Finally, today it's done. "I did it", but it wasn't just me, I had a lot of help from the daughter. It would have been easy had it been anyone else's shit, mine own, it stinks.

I'll say it again. She's a trooper.

That said - Empty Locker, VERY FULL APARTMENT - and only a couple of days to downsize it all. It won't all go, I'm sure, but I have to take the photos, try, at least, always, try...

A lot of shit sold and I don't have the merchant heart I thought I did, in the end it just wore me down, but it persuaded me, for sure, not to go buying any more shit. Not that it would fit...

The only casualty in the moving stuff from the locker, a drawer filled with buttons dumped onto the road, buttons, glass, everywhere. So the daughter and I cleaned up as best we could, we had nothing to put them in and so filled a rubber boot I had in the back of the car, a few evenings spent sorting and rinsing, picking out the broken shards of glass, broken buttons, a surprising number survived.

Can't seem to get a job, can't seem to quit one...

A tentative date to restart, long commute but worth it, it's a happier place by far in the Summer, I've a month to get things under control, to make a few prospecting trips and hope that alternatives present themselves, then back to life on the logging cuts and campground showers, they've promised a better schedule so I can commute back to Calgary on days off, we'll see, I'm still hoping to turn up treasure - as good as it is, there's room for improvement.

More boxes of notes, pictures, ideas, writing, ephemera, souvenirs. Juvenalia. I read, and unlike other batches I'm not so surprised at occasional insight or brilliance, it's all garbage. Rip-it-up, rip-it-up.

I am surprised by the newspaper clippings. Interesting, yellowed, fading, from before the internet, when the entire media wasn't controlled by 1 or 2 giant outlets, and I'm pleased by the remembrance of newspapers worth reading. These I can pass on.

Time now to start in on the books...

The last 3 days, they've been a tear, I've been going through everything, sorting, piling, counting, inventorying, taking - to the e-cycle (e waste, old computers, cell-phones), to the thrift shop, to the garbage, to buyers from Kijiji...

Now to the books. The first pass, 80% gone - there's something sacred about books - this, this, it's a castration of sorts, but not, they are eaten, somewhere inside me now, and even if I can't remember they're there. I make a list, take pictures of the teetering stacks that are going, there will be a few trips I'm sure. The first pass, 80% of the books go, I could let them all go, 1 pass, just let them go, but - I need a map of where I've been. And maybe I'll need to stop here again.

I take them to "Fair's Fair" - the only used bookstore in town, a couple dozen boxes, the only used bookstore in a city of a million people. What does that say? My God...

And they don't do cash for books on weekdays, only weekends, and so they'll all hang in the car until Friday. Meanwhile I review the authors, make lists to ensure I don't pass this way again, I've read them all, I don't need credit on books, I've in my possession a hundred, easily, yet to read, and Calgary, well, it's not such a literate town, I've searched here time and again, they've nothing I need, nothing I haven't read...

3 days of busy, today - less productive, my regimes, early in the morning - meditation, etc: I've lapsed, but I'm far enough along that I repent it. The car is filled with books, I can't get to the locker, not properly, not fill the car, but - now - it's just the living room, half of which is a mess, and I've only a month to go - if I can make it - before my life is under control. 2 months and I'll be a Zen God. So hold my breath, rip-it-up, empty the trash, everything will be fine.