Following Mole Mole (with an invisible accent over the e) there was the Telltale clump...

Lavalife again, I had my profile up on both the relationship and the intimate encounters side. **sigh**. It'd been a while, and I've never discriminated against anyone because they've slept with me.

I received messages from her...on both sides of the profile, the dating/relationship, the intimate encounters.

She was bright, interesting, but something about the photo...zoomed in a little too close on the face...

We agree to meet in Higher Ground. 

I get the premium seats, next to the fireplace, North side so I can't see the stairwell, can't see what's coming...

And I wait.

It's awkward, this waiting, and as I'm waiting I'm reading a book and noticing all the single women around me, doubtless also waiting for their internet dates, attractive women, women I'd be dating if I knew them in social circles, but I'm working in IT at the moment and the computer is my life...

I'm sitting there, sipping my coffee, and I hear it on the stairs.

"Clump........Clump..."

I hear it, and I look around to see if the other women, the attractive women, not my dates, hear it, they hear it too...

"Clump........Clump..."

And I realize, with that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, that that clump, the Telltale Clump, it's coming for me...

 "Clump........Clump..."

It makes the top of the stairs, sees me, we hug, to any outside observer it's an obvious first internet date. And I hate it, because I know that everyone is observing, we're an odd couple, she, easily 250 pounds, me, well, as always, lean and spare - "Jack Spratt would eat no fat..."

We talk, of politics and history and mutual interests, walk through Kensington, I give her a ride home in the Daytona, have to help her into the car with her cast and all, plus she can barely fit, a couple of pushes on the door and I get her in.

She invites me up, and it's been nice, but it's not going to happen. I make my excuses and escape...