Now as insane as the nights out with staff are (and they are - completely - entirely - predictably insane), there's another group of people the staff occasionally party with - that's the customers.
And these stories, they're completely fucked up.
Completely.
The girls - waitresses, have a few - dropping off drunken customers, popping in for a drink (and who, after all, isn't curious how the other half lives?) - mad groping with drunken older men, strange exhibitionists, ridiculously weird circumstances that they're loathe to confess but must make their working life a bit of a hell - the customers, the male ones anyways, generally transparent in their ludicrous expectations.
And there's the Nephew and G, who've probably created as many stories amongst the female clientele as the male customers did amongst the female staff.
There was a time, rumours, of a previous manageress who - for a small (or large) sum of money and the right amount of wine could be bribed into certain acts, but she's long gone. Still, you only need to get lucky once and you'll try and try again, and I'm not certain that our current employees are above the same sort of prostitution, their shock and awe more directed at the lack of material benefit than at the preceding invitations...
The boys, they've been out with the women, then there's the big night out with the male customers, a group of well-heeled regulars who take G and the Nephew along for a late night, talks of blow, the calling of prostitutes and the reputed dubious sexuality of the one customer who declined to partake, passing his along to another and contenting himself with watching in a housecoat....
I've never been on any of these excursions, late night safaris with customers, my rather aloof demeanor keeps me safe from any invitations and when they come I merely treat the customer as drunk and help them to call a cab. It's not worth giving any of them a ride home, I have to trust the second hand reports, they are - if anything - dumbed down for my consumption.