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He carries his instant coffee around with him in his "swag", which means all swaddled up like a newborn baby. He loves his instant coffee. And he sort of doesn't like that Canadian stuff that's made with real beans and grounds, lacks something in the flavour department he finds.
Which inspired me to transcribe some notes and recipes from an Australian Barista, so you can enjoy Australia's finest coffee experience without the threat of Kangaroos and Dingoes.
- Black Coffee: 1 Teaspoon (from hear on in abbreviated to tsp) of instant coffee crystals. Mix in 1 cup hot water. Wait to cool, drink.
- Milky Coffee: 1 tsp instant coffee crystals. Most of a cup of hot water. Milk and sugar to taste.
- Espresso: 1 tsp instant coffee crystals. 2 oz of hot water. Stir vigorously.
- Americano: 1 tsp instant coffee crystals. 2 Oz hot water. Wait 1 minute, add 10 oz more hot water.
- Canadiano: Use 1 tsp of instant coffee crystals to make 16 oz cup of instant coffee. Hold in reserve. Use 1 tsp of instant coffee crystals to make 2 oz of espresso, then top up with the cup of instant coffee.
- Cappucino: Make an Aussie style espresso (see #3). Boil milk, taking care not to burn it. Froth milk by blowing into it with a straw. !! NOTE: Take care, boiling milk will scald your face if you're not careful !! THIS IS WHY AUSTRALIAN BARISTAS ALL HAVE BEARDS!! Add frothy boiled milk to Aussie espresso. Add instant coffee crystals to top of foam to make a happy bearded face.
- Cafe Latte: Add boiling milk to Aussie Espresso. Don't worry about foam. Swirl some instant coffee crystals into top to make a pretty picture.
These recipes would probably be better done in a series of instructional YouTube videos. I'm gonna talk to him and see if he's ready for the kind of internet celebrity that will bring...
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And, fully staffed now with the weekly turnover of transients, there's a party on the loading dock, all the new hires and the survivors from last year, precious few survivors, but the new hires don't know that, some, just here for a couple of weeks to get a check before moving on to the coast, others trying to lay down longer term plans, think that this might be their dream job, that they can stick it out here, the old-timers don't think to tell them, warn them, we need them here to lighten our own load but we all know, come fall, that 90% of us will be unemployed, and we're all hoping it's them that stay and not us...meanwhile, it's a beautiful summer night and they're all drunk on the loading dock, another 6 weeks left to the party...
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More of the idiot son...
The week past, plans to go to Calgary to visit the kids, last chance this summer, I'm scheduled Thursday and Friday off. And I've spoken with the owners, advised them of my intent, I'm going to make the last ferry on Wednesday night, the other waiter will have to close up on his own.
It comes up we've a new waitress, the other waitress suggests as she's hungry for shifts that maybe the new waitress will work my Saturday, give me an extra day with the kids, I run it past the owner's son: he tells me in no uncertain terms that he needs me to work my scheduled shifts, he's going away to a class reunion in Cranbrook, and I can't help but think him attending a class reunion with his wife is a little like a black person wanting to bring his bride to a lynching, but I say nothing. I'll be back Saturday.
Only on my way out the door Wednesday evening, on my way to the last ferry, the waitress points out that the schedule has mysteriously changed...
I should check it...
And my 2 days off have mysteriously vanished, I'm now scheduled in on Friday at 4:00, one day off, and the owner's son has adjusted the schedule to show that he's worked doubles the past 2 days - the 2 doubles I worked - and he was off, WTF? And I'm enraged and accost the owners, they have nothing to say, he knew my plans, his own were far more important, and lacking the courage to advise or ask me to postpone my own simply changed the schedule to reflect his imaginary work...
He's a sneak and an asshole, the last week he's worked 1 shift, and plans on taking the rest of the summer off once his wife gives birth to his 2nd son, and instead of negotiating with staff, or advising them of plans, simply sneaks in revised schedules, and I'm livid, I've seen how they treat the staff - "We'll just use him/her until....", their bemoaning the staff's "selfishness" when it is in fact their own, I know I can expect no better treatment, but they top themselves with their asshole behaviors, they lament the lack of good employees when in fact they should lament the lack of competent employers, and I'm plotting, hopeful, that when his next spawn arrives I can as suddenly revise the schedule with my absence...
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My patience is exhausted.
The waiter, the one who got fed up with the Owner's son, don't blame him, we all are, but he spoke his mind and quit and moved to Nelson to live under the Big Orange Bridge.
When I'm in town I keep in touch, buy him coffee, see how the job hunt is going. He's not interested in work, not particularly, he wants to buy a restaurant, get his own show up and running, I spot him 20 bucks for food, a pack of cigarettes, he's hopeless, his priorities completely fucked...
And then there's Batshit, whom I took to the Burlesque, and bought his ticket, and then bought him chocolates, at his insistence, then he gave them away, asked for more, wanted me to buy him this, buy him that, and I did some mental addition and realized he's cost me more the past month than my own kids, and I'm not current with those bills either, and so I told him, not so kindly, to lay off, and he's offended now and ignoring me but I'm kind of loving the break...
In Nelson, for every one person who works there's a dozen that don't and feel they have a claim upon your wallet, and your good nature takes you only so far when you come to town, the highly visible contingents of homeless that party every night and panhandle the day away, and you're every best intention is pissed or smoked away. I give up.
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It's always the same shit, a different pile. The owner's son - Think the Bosses Nephew, only without his intelligence, good looks and charm, he's been dogging it for the last few weeks, working every other day, "Managing" the rest, which is to say in the office talking to his wife on the phone, he misses her, it's been hours, or going upstairs to visit his folks, he misses them, it's been hours as well, and his absence is perhaps the best thing about him. Customers, the ones with brains (not many, not out here), they are quick to note his insincerity, his ... well, -- something's off.
He's never worked in a restaurant other than this, for anyone other than his folks, and so his "experience" is more a lack thereof, and sometimes...sometimes...
They're going to start metering the water, and he warns me to stop giving the customers free glasses of water. I just look at him..."It's all about the costs.." he tries to tell me...
...and then, in the kitchen one day, he's doing cold side, I order a salad, split, and he tells me how much work it is, "I have to put it into two bowls!! TWO BOWLS!!", he warns me to never do it again, and I give him that sustained look of "WTF Buddy, are you an idiot?" but he merely trenches in, digs in a bit deeper, elaborates, he can see my expression, I must be stupid if I can't understand how much work that is and I get that 2 bowls, for him, that's a lot of work ...
He wants to be a politician, a few people, they say he'd be good, they don't mean it kindly, and he complains that he was bullied as a child, I can understand, but his very survival is proof that he wasn't bullied near enough...