And so I downloaded the app and ordered some shit off Temu.
"Better than Amazon" I told myself, and I was right, I mean, the best alternative is always to buy nothing but Temu was second.
Sorry, Tech Bros, I gotta get some distance.
So the thing with Temu is they sell absolutely nothing (or close enough to) that you need. It's all the rubbish/infinite scrolling/bored rampant material/spiritual culture that is the West. They've got it down.
I'm looking for shit that I need. I "need" nothing, but I'm intrigued by a few purchases. Tiny neodymium magnets. Balloons for my balloon animals. Fountain pens because while I have too many I could always have more and these look like "Lamy" overruns. A couple of "fashionable" shirts for the raves. CMY Cubes. Just bullshit, the kind every child of my era ordered out of the back of comic books, "Boney the Skeleton with Glow in the dark Eyes" (disappointing, the skeleton was a plastic poster, the glow in the dark eyes were punch-out glow dots), XRay Glasses, etc. but now tailored for adults.
I wait. I get a 5$ credit if the delivery is late.
The delivery is late, and I have an abundance of emails apologizing and offering my compensation ($5.00 credit), but these are all just attempts to get you back on the app, and I'm filled with buyers remorse already.
I miss the first day's delivery, stepped out for a coffee, the next day resolve to wait by my phone. I turn on the ring feature and stay close to home.
The package arrives. I'd forgotten what I'd ordered, but I check my order, it's all there, exactly as described...
I mean, the magnets (on my fridge awaiting repurposing), the shirts (quality low but what did I expect? I was curious, not deceiving myself), the balloons (balloons, fine, exactly what I ordered but I'll be giving them all away...), the pens (cheap, maybe good, have yet to try, definitely not Lamy overruns)...
It's the CMY cubes, 2, one of which I give to the neighbour. But the cube intrigues me, it's not so low quality, appears to be glass, and after a couple of days I order some more.
You can find treasure in unexpected places.
And I have to admire how they do it, the wheel of fortune, the incessant emails, the “act now” special discounts, the bargains on shit you didn't know you wanted and certainly didn't need, the feeding you of countless variations of what you just looked at on the internet, the “slot machine” styled interface, perfect for scrolling, it only wants bells and whistles every time you put an item in your cart; the “limited supply”; which is bollocks, never the case, a marketing gimmick, but - WOW - they have the internet down pat.
Even as a villain I have to applaud you - done well, done right, I'm gonna get my CMY cubes and delete the app...or not, I may need more balloons...