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Mr. Mouse

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Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Blog

Published: 08 October 2021

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And a couple of weeks ago, sitting at the kitchen table and I see...

Well, there's always things flitting out of the corner of your eye here, it's an old house, poorly lit, and - as old houses go, more than likely haunted. So these shadows caught from the corner of the eye, the clanging and banging of pots throughout the night, smashing of cups, always to awake the next morning with no damage done, auditory hallucinations, as it were, I'm used to it.

But this was different. And - watch the floor careful and it appears again. 

Damn, I got a mouse. 

Now - an unwelcome roommate for sure, but, I've got to say, of all the roommates I've ever had I'll tolerate a mouse any day. The rest of them, well, that's another story...

Anyways, long experience has taught me that if you too long tolerate one you'll soon have a family - or several, and so I go shopping for a humane, live capture mousetrap. I'm thinking one of the tip-and-release ones that I've used in the past - a plastic tube that the mouse enters, the trap tips, the mouse is imprisoned. $1.99 at any hardware store. 

Any hardware store but here. A tour of every store in town turns up nothing. Asking about "Humane" mousetraps and you get the "Kill quickly" section, which, arguably "humane" (arguably indeed!) seems a harsh punishment for a tenant that - just like everyone else out here - is just trying to get by and survive.

No, I want a live-capture trap, I can let it go in the overgrown field across from the house with a pound of peanuts and it'll be set for the winter. 

So I splurge, buy a tin mousetrap that promises to live capture several - dozens of the guys - even, $20.00, bait it, and set it out.

The theory is that the hole of the trap sits next to the wall, and as mice like to run along walls they'll run into the hole and be unable to escape. The bait, peanut butter and peanuts - that's just to sweeten the deal, give the mouse something to do until I can release it.

Set it up beside the fridge and wait.

And wait.

Mornings, up early boiling the water for my coffee. Step out for a cigarette. And turning around across the street I see I've interrupted 3 giant - I mean massive - raccoons that were in the process of raiding the leftovers of my garden. It's still dark out, but you can see their little masked faces under the streetlight looking over at me as they pile out of the yard, clearly I surprised them, but as I've crossed the street it doesn't seem I'm a threat and so they sit there on the path to my door debating what to do before they disperse. The middle one - ringleader (?) - is huge, maybe 2 feet high, as big as a mountain porcupine...

Back inside, the water's boiled, thermostat turned up, it's starting to heat up, put my feet up and drink my coffee.

It's early, quiet, and soon Mr. Mouse makes his appearance. It appears he's living under the fridge, and the theory of "Close to walls" is clearly not founded upon him. Nope, he's out, sallying about, in a top hat and vest, walking across the middle of the floor, crawling in my bag, under the sink, back out, middle of the floor, here, there - completely unperturbed, without an ounce of caution, I'm completely unobserved, and so I just watch him. I mean, you can TRY and capture him with your hands, but - well, I doubt that will happen. Although I'm sure there could be some amusing YouTube footage of me trying. 

It's been 7 days now. The trap - nights I hear it rattling - as if the mouse were inside, in a rage, trying to escape, in the morning - nothing, the bait intact, no mouse-footprints in the peanut butter, the nuts are still there, I can imagine the mouse - cartoon mouse, rattling the bars of the cage from the outside, making noises as if he were trapped, like Bugs Bunny feigning death, merely to humor me or get a reaction, meanwhile he (she?) makes his /her nightly rounds, into this, into that, crumb here, crumb there...