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An unexpected absence
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2210
Apologies if you've been waiting for me to post. I'm not dead, although nearly, a few projects with short deadlines were won a couple of weeks ago and have necessitated the 14 hour days on the computer. Not, obviously, blogging.
My time is not my own.
Still I've found time to make a few notes, opine, as it were, upon even more topics with unpopular facts and opinions.
I should note that the difference between my opinions and facts is only ever one of interpretation. I generally get the facts right. The interpretation is subjective.
Met with a friend in Starbucks yesterday who had as well noticed my absence, we sit, catching up and exchanging thoughts on the imminent new world order, around us everyone has unfolded their MacBooks....PC's, apparently, are not allowed in Starbucks. I say this to a man next to us, but I think he believes me and is relieved that he made the right choice. "Whew" he thinks to himself. No sense of irony, or he simply refuses to acknowledge any sense of humour that makes him the butt of the joke.
Beside him there are two girls sharing a table, they would appear to be acquaintances, they each have their MacBooks open and are busy ignoring each other while they surf the net. Or, rather, who am I to say they were ignoring each other? Quite possibly they were in a heated conversation, messaging each other about the cute guys waiting in line for their coffee's, the ones who like to bath and use soap and deodorant and fancy cologne.
This is what the world has come to.
I've started to believe my little confabulation, even more so as my companion is taking it seriously, and I start to wonder about the lonely girl at the end on her PC, "They should throw her out...." I think to myself; "That isn't Starbucks at all....".
It's good to get out, however briefly. Now there are new projects, but I have an abundance of notes to transcribe and so the updates here will be somewhat more frequent.
Order Drinks for 2, Pay for 1
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Jedi Mind Tricks
- Hits: 1575
This Jedi Mind Trick will enamour you to your date, as it will literally halve the amount she spends on drinks for you.
And it's ridiculously simple.
All you do is when you order your favorite diet soda at a restaurant (Fresca's good, but there are others..) hold up 2 fingers. Like Winston is doing. Say "I'd like 1 Fresca please", and the combination of the 2 fingers and words "One Fresca" usually result in the server bringing you 2 Frescas. At this point it's good to offer one to your date.
Image: Winston Churchill ordering 1 diet soft drink.
7/11 - Continued - These are not the droids youre looking for
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Jedi Mind Tricks
- Hits: 2529
7/11 – The first Jedi Mind Trick didn’t work and your going to put your stuff back on the shelf but the clerks won’t let you because maybe you were hungry and the line to pay was so long that you ate the chips while you were waiting and maybe the chips made you thirsty so you drank the drink as well and they keep insisting that you pay so you go to leave and maybe one of them tries to stop you which wouldn’t be a problem for a Jedi like yourself except that there happened to be Stormtroopers parked outside and they came in to help.
What I do in this situation is look down and to the left and start to count things out loud.
No matter what they say to you just keep counting.
Eventually the Stormtroopers will take you outside because you’re making a bit of a scene and it’s OK to resist a bit, like you don’t understand, but don’t resist too much or you might get shot. Don’t reach for your lightsaber because they’ll use their tasers on you. Once they’ve got you outside they’ll probably start asking you all sorts of questions and it’s good to mess with them a bit by continuing to count, maybe to a thousand or so. Then they’ll ask you if you can pay for the chips and you should probably pull out your American Express card – the one that says “Your Name Here”, and if you’re done counting then you can explain to them how you already paid. DO NOT make eye-contact with them, they’re like Gorillas and take it as a sign of aggression. Then they might ask you for ID or a drivers license and I just tell them you don’t need a drivers license to drive a landspeeder, this usually makes them laugh. Once they laugh you’re probably OK. Maybe they’ll drive you around the block a few times and try to take you to your house but if you’re smart you don’t want them to know where you live so you can just answer them with things like “These are not the droids you’re looking for” and eventually they’ll get hungry or get a better call and they’ll just drop you off. ’Course you can’t go back into that store again for probably 2 or three months or until they’ve got different staff…
Interviewing Obama
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Dreams
- Hits: 1695
I'm at a fair with other journalists. We're taking turns interviewing Obama. It's my turn, we go into a small tent, there's a couple of security people present. Mostly we just talk about our similar backgrounds, how we got similar degrees, it's a personal chat, no talk of head-of-state or presidency, the unaddressed human rights violations. I've forgotten my camera to get pictures but it's unimportant, we're just catching up, Obama and me....
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