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Hitler the Messiah
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Conversations
- Hits: 1682
It starts as he fills me in on the background of one of our new regulars, a 97 year old that shuffles in for lunch, late, always late, 10 minutes before close, that 10 minutes and another 5 he spends finding a seat in the restaurant. He's bonded with the Nephew, the reason being that apparently in the second world war he was a Nazi, met Hitler, has photos, shown them to the nephew, brought him books, told stories.
And from this the nephew fills me in on his point of view:
"I mean, think about it, The Egyptians, the Russians, The Germans, I can understand that everyone doesn't like you, but if nobody likes you maybe the problem is with you...Look at the banks....the US...it's caused by the Jews....Hitler, he saw it coming...he was an angel sent by God to save us....he was the Messiah, and we, we killed the son of god, and then we killed Hitler...he invented recycling, shoes over here, shirts over there...."
His conversations, invariably inappropriate and always at a volume several times what a sane person would use, but he's using the time-honored Italian technique of raising his voice to persuade me, we would easily lose half of our customers if they could read his mind, but he's on a tear now, justifying his admiration for this old and tottering relic...it doesn't matter, it's his day to stay late and he can while away the long afternoon hours looking through black and white war photos....
The Nephew on dating
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 2125
And there's the return to the circus, for a short time only I tell myself (and them), and the insanity resumes...
The Nephew, he's been on a tear, since breaking up with his girlfriend the nights have gone into the morning, blurring with his shifts, waking up in strange beds with stranger women, showing us candid photos he's snapped of their asses, tattoo: "Your Name Here", written on the top, he's nothing if not classy. And as if in a mind to break from the non-stop party he fills in his time at work updating his online personal profile. He's hammed it up quite well, he likes museums and good food, theater, pets, he's a regular cultural aficionado, enjoys romantic walks and describes himself as a social drinker and trying to quit smoking (to be fair, there's no "alcoholic" option), he's showing it to me on his phone, airbrushed glossy photos of him lying unshaven in downy white sheets, him out with the talking waiter from work, only, only he seems to be getting a lot of texts from men...
And now, in front of me he's discovering that for relationships he's been searching the "man for man" portion of the site, damn, now it all makes sense, these men that keep texting him... he's curiously oblique about the number of dates he's had but now it's time for him to ignore me as he repairs his profile...
Holy man guides archeologists to 50 Billion Dollar Treasure
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Found
- Hits: 1792
Holy man dreams of treasure, archaeologists begin to dig it up...
The truth is never quite that interesting, but the media has a good way of writing an interesting headline:
Mind you, it's not "found" yet, but there's often a grain of truth to local legends...
Blue Cobras in the Toilet
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Dreams
- Hits: 1550
I've gotten a parcel, box, wrapped with string, and upon opening discover that it's filled with blue cobras.
I don't know if they're venomous or not, but it's best not to take any chances, and so I dump them into the toilet and give it a flush.
They somehow resist, coiling themselves around the bowl, they're still there, and some have crawled out, are on the flush lever, the pipes, a beautiful blue, intelligent eyes, staring at me, and I want to grab them and throw them in again, flush again, but I'm not sure if they're venomous or not, but whenever I reach for one it flares it's neck and hisses....
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