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The Asshole

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Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: People

Published: 23 July 2018

Hits: 1008

More of the idiot son...

The week past, plans to go to Calgary to visit the kids, last chance this summer, I'm scheduled Thursday and Friday off. And I've spoken with the owners, advised them of my intent, I'm going to make the last ferry on Wednesday night, the other waiter will have to close up on his own.

It comes up we've a new waitress, the other waitress suggests as she's hungry for shifts that maybe the new waitress will work my Saturday, give me an extra day with the kids, I run it past the owner's son: he tells me in no uncertain terms that he needs me to work my scheduled shifts, he's going away to a class reunion in Cranbrook, and I can't help but think him attending a class reunion with his wife is a little like a black person wanting to bring his bride to a lynching, but I say nothing. I'll be back Saturday.

Only on my way out the door Wednesday evening, on my way to the last ferry, the waitress points out that the schedule has mysteriously changed...

I should check it...

And my 2 days off have mysteriously vanished, I'm now scheduled in on Friday at 4:00, one day off, and the owner's son has adjusted the schedule to show that he's worked doubles the past 2 days - the 2 doubles I worked - and he was off, WTF? And I'm enraged and accost the owners, they have nothing to say, he knew my plans, his own were far more important, and lacking the courage to advise or ask me to postpone my own simply changed the schedule to reflect his imaginary work...

He's a sneak and an asshole, the last week he's worked 1 shift, and plans on taking the rest of the summer off once his wife gives birth to his 2nd son, and instead of negotiating with staff, or advising them of plans, simply sneaks in revised schedules, and I'm livid, I've seen how they treat the staff - "We'll just use him/her until....", their bemoaning the staff's  "selfishness" when it is in fact their own, I know I can expect no better treatment, but they top themselves with their asshole behaviors, they lament the lack of good employees when in fact they should lament the lack of competent employers, and I'm plotting, hopeful, that when his next spawn arrives I can as suddenly revise the schedule with my absence...

The Kootenai Mancatcher

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Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Blog

Published: 23 July 2018

Hits: 1570

At work, the chefs' girlfriend has been selling her dreamcatchers, finely beaded little spirals hung with feathers and leather thongs. 

Jealous of her success, I came up with my own "indigent artist" crafts project to sell in the restaurant: The Kootenai Mancatcher. Tradition has it that when a Kootenai girl came of age and found herself single, she'd assemble a mancatcher from a pair of her choicest knickers and hang it upon her schoolbus or trailer to demonstrate her availability ....

Only $60.

Relish

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Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Restaurants & Cafes

Published: 23 July 2018

Hits: 1354

I'm going to break with a long tradition here and start naming names...enough is enough.

Sunday morning, looking for breakfast in Nelson. Full Circle, the breakfast place on Baker, has a half hour waiting list, which means when you walk past the window there's a dozen empty tables inside but inside the mall entrance there's easily a dozen, maybe 2 dozen people waiting for a table.

This is a Kootenay tradition, waiting for a table in an empty restaurant. This is usually preceded by a "Do you have a reservation?" inquiry from host or server, then a hopeful announcement that they could possibly have you sat within the hour, despite the obvious abundance of empty tables. I used to put this down to the impossibility of getting quality service staff out here, but in a year I've come to realize it's more the impossibility of finding competent owners or management, and this morning I'm not in the mood to wait in line to give someone my money, so I wander on.

Relish, across the street, is open, and so I mosey over there. The patio is full, or 9/10 tables on it are, but I've had enough of the great outdoors today and would happily sit inside. Inside, 4 tables occupied, the other 10 or so empty, 3 servers on, they should have me sat within 10 minutes or so...

I'm not making this up. Relish, they have that reputation here of being one of the better restaurants, their servers, attractive waitresses in short dresses or skirts with the abundance of leg tattoos, I applied here for a job once before I realized their "unofficial" but transparent policy of employing only attractive girls on the service end, and being neither attractive (or a girl) didn't get any sort of callback. Lots of restaurants do this, standard industry practice, and who doesn't like to be served by a pretty girl? But right now I just want to be served, want a bite of breakfast, and am getting a little annoyed with this "wait at the door 20 minutes to sit at an empty table that was clean and empty for 20 minutes before you arrived".

I've been here a couple of times before, the first time with my daughter and friend, I ordered some gravy for my fries and the then Australian waitress told me 
"You'll have to pay for that you know", and I was kind of dumbfounded at her mentioning this, was the rest of the meal free? Or was I to pay for the gravy up front? I simply reiterated, in words she would understand, that I would like to pay for some gravy, and she reluctantly brought it just as I was finishing my last french fry. 

If you've ever been to Nelson you'll know, the Australians, they kind of have the service industry locked down, they're "managing", after a fashion, most of the pubs and bars, which is ironic if you know anything about service, because having an Australian in charge of your service is a little like kidnapping an Eskimo from his kayak and making him your network administrator, Australians are no more known for their customer service skills than they are for their tipping, but that's another rant...

IN any event there are no Australians here today, this is all Kootenay, 100% Nelson service, and 20 minutes after arriving I'm sat at the empty table that was empty when I arrived right in front of me and the attractive server arrives and pours my water and takes my order and, after a lengthy delay, brings my food. I know, I know, it has to be cooked, and despite the restaurant being empty the patio is full, and the 4 chefs behind the counter are taxed to their limit. 

The food, average as always. The service - ?? nondescript, but I'm done and when I get up to pay the bill suddenly it changes, it's friendly, personable even, the waitress, formerly "all business what d'ya want" is now solicitous, friendly, "How was everything?" she asks, presenting me the debit machine, leaning in close, her hair falling on my shoulder, her legs, hips, closer and closer, tattooed legs curling around mine, fingertips lightly guiding my fingers across the confusing tip options...."You can tip 15%, 20%, 25%, or other...." and down to other and she's continuing "Oh, good choice...lets see...you could leave me a castle in Europe, or a private jet, I would need you to leave me a pilot as well, and maybe a credit card for gas, I have a lot of friends, or you could leave me a ... more options, a diamond tiara, a kilogram of the finest Colombian Cocaine...we should party sometime...", she's needlessly working herself up and getting herself excited and it's not my imagination, she's now grinding on my hip, helping me navigate the confusing minefield of Nelson tipping, ah, service in Nelson, the perfect marriage of incompetence and entitlement, I was 20% when I came in, it was decided before I even sat down to eat, 20% rounded up, but all this attentiveness, too much, too late, it's infuriating me, and my blood is boiling and not with the reasons she's trying to incite...

It doesn't have to be this way. Seat me at the empty table when I come in. Tell me the kitchen is a bit slow. Let me order, bring my food, let me tip and get the fuck out. But out here, everything is just that little bit more over the top...