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Batsh*t Stories...
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Conversations
- Hits: 1194
...and there's the stories, good, maybe, on the fly, but if you're committed to a couple of hours of them straight they can get to be a little much...like how Bob Hope got his name and what a good time was had by all at his hundredth birthday party...like how he took Mother Theresa gold panning on the Sacramento River and they gave all the gold they got to the orphans and then Elizabeth Taylor showed up and she was dressed as an Egyptian and won a bet and isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard? and how the 5 Electra's wanted the belt I gave him and were trying to peel it off his body and he managed to resist and how roasted peacock (wrapped in the same foil and on the same bread as the sandwiches on the Ferry) tastes just like chicken or turkey if you don't know you're eating it and how he's wearing Roger Vadim's leather coat and would you like to try it on? (of course, of course, and it smells a little, smells a lot like Roger Vadim died in it...) and about how his real name used to be "Prince of the MPire" before he changed it...
With the Skipper on Gilligan's Island...
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Dreams
- Hits: 1536
I'm with Alan Hale, the Skiooer, on Gilligan's Island, the older Gilligan's Island, the black and white one, and he's pointing to a low grainy island off in the sea and telling me that if we're going to get off the island we have to get there, and so we grab a small sailboat and set out...
...and it's not very far, not very far at all when everything turns to color and people are running around busy streets with their portable coffee mugs on their way to work and I realize that it's not such a far flung island after all, it's more the final spit on the end of an archipelago, we're not at all far from civilization, and there are two oddly dressed girls with big heads and short bodies and they're telling me that they're from the land of El Dorado, they just came here through a rift, on vacation, and I'm trying to show Alan Hale, look, look, we're saved, we're not lost at all, but he's just not seeing it...
Dido & Batsh*t
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 1162
Dido, he's been lurking outside waiting for the pub to open, my age but in better condition, looks better anyways, comes in for a 2 hour cup of coffee to talk about the books he's written, he's writing, all sorts of books on the planets and Greek mythology and on his experiences in the Haida Gwai, and we chat and catch up, another of the local characters, he wants to write a book on how to be a good waiter, picks my brain, I have no input, no regard for the profession, he was a busboy once and got to be pretty good, then he reflects a bit and decides maybe he doesn't want to write the book, not now anyways, too much of a niche market, wanders the pub, we're slow, empty, of course, it's the season, looks out the window, comes back, talks some more, ... he's the bookend for the day, the first customer, there will be a few more, mostly normal, and then it will be my friend Batsh*t with the weekly allotment of a dozen scrolls, this week from Lu-Lu Lombardo to me, photocopies of centerfolds added onto with his writing, addled with his embellishments, a good couple of hours reading for when I get back to the shed...
...and, reading them, I'm laughing, he's setting me up with a friend of his, another connisseur of his work, female, he's drawn on the back of the centerfold so I'll know what she looks like if I run into her naked, "OH...AN COMMAND'R ROD IF .. U NKEEPS UR PEEPERS PEEL'D WEN I SHOP I GOTS KNEE HIGH RED + GREEN STILETTO BOOTS + TITE SHORT BLACK MINE LEATHER SHORTS + MY SUZUKI M-CYCLE HAS LITNIN RODS BOTH SYDES + I GOTZ NORMA-J'S BLACK WIG + ROLLUPS -- CANVAS - DOZENS..." and it continues for some hundreds more words, ending with: "...BUTT 1ST RODS GOT UNUFF CLUES...SO GOT FIND ME" and I'm laughing out loud, is he really hoping that I'll buy that Lu-Lu wrote this? I'm hearing her voice in his head as he's writing this... Is there really a Lu-Lu at all? If there is, based on the sketch and description provided I want to meet her...
Upstanding Community Members
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 2218
And the pub, business dropped off a cliff, long days cleaning, the place is spic-and-span, the season apparently will pick up in another month. Fingers crossed. We're down to 2 staff members - Myself, and the chef, the other chef wasn't getting enough hours and so found a more reliable job at the hotsprings. She gave notice, then they terminated her, they were doing her "a favour" they tell her, and that if the owner wants to scream at her that's her right as owner of the business, and that she doesn't - the owner - owe any one an apology because she is, after all, the owner...
It's unbelievable.
The other waiter - 1 shift per week - 4.5 hours, and they ask me if I want his shift, if I do they'll lay him off, I don't - I need more work, for sure, but not at the expense of firing somebody else...they're proper corporate sociopaths...
But I know the remaining chef is looking for work, if he finds it the pub will close. The reputation they have in the community is well deserved and hard won, and it's definitely what they imagine it to be, I trust them about as far as I can throw them, they've done nothing to me but I've seen too much their treatment of the rest of the staff to deceive myself that my day isn't coming...
Keeping a full tank of gas in the Jeep just in case...
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