For Sale: 1 Helicopter Pilot’s Helmet.
I've tried to sell it before, with limited (no) success. I put it down to a failure in copy writing and the fact that it was probably priced "Too Good To be True". So I've raised the price and re-listed it on Craigslist and Kijiji in the Sports Section. I'm pretty sure it will sell now....
I have recently decided to change my super-hero crime fighter identity and have decided the focal point of my new costume will be the grossly enlarged codpiece, hence am selling 1 very slightly used pilot’s helmet. Now while the uses for such an item are legion and limited only by your imagination, I have decided to share just a few of the possible ideas that have idly strayed through my head in the hopes of persuading you to purchase this very fine item.
Possibility #1: You are a radio DJ who zips about the city reporting on the current traffic conditions. Probably you’re tired of wearing the cheap floral helmet they provide you with and would like to, in the interests of looking slightly more professional, start bringing your own. This is undoubtedly the item for you, however PLEASE NOTE the size is only a medium, plenty big enough for me but maybe not so big as to hold a very swollen celebrity DJ’s head. Please have measured your head before calling.
Possibility #2: To pick up chicks. It doesn’t get better than this. Next time you head on down to the Metropolitan on 17 Ave, try wearing this little conversation starter. When the girls ask you merely tell them that you parked your chopper/whirlybird on the roof/around the corner/just out of sight. They will be impressed. (The grossly enlarged codpiece is equally if not more so impressive, but I’m not selling it). Should you find they won’t stop talking in bitter and acrimonious terms about their ex (how boring is that?!!) tell them you’ve been sent by Jabba the Hut to find Han Solo and imprison him in Carbonite. That usually gets rid of them. Or they’ll go off looking for Han to help you out and you can just disappear.
Possibility #3: Complete your Boba Fett Costume with this helmet. Very few mods needed to have a quality inter-galactic bounty hunter’s helmet. Be the star of the next comic convention!
***Rocket Pack not included, however for a nominal fee of $50.00 I’ll draw you instructions on the back of a napkin on how to make something that looks very much like a jet pack out of 6 2 litre bottles of Diet Coke, 3 packs of Mentos and a roll of silver duct tape.
Possibility #4: Bring it Go Carting and reduce the risk of getting other people’s cooties. This helmet is certified 100% Cootie free!
Possibility #5: Wear it to your courier bike job! If it keeps fighter pilot’s safe when they crash into mountains at 2, 000 mph, it sure as hell should take anything Calgary Traffic can throw at it! (Note: Jet Fighters also come with Eject Seats. No warranty express or implied is provided, merely observing. Safe bicycle riding is the best prevention).
Possibility #6: Headphones, Microphone, Visor? It's a virtual reality helmet! Travel the universe in the comfort of your own living room!
Image #1, #2: Helmet
Image #3: Look Ma, No Cooties!!
Image #4: Pretty Girl sells helicopter pilots helmet
Now that I’ve thought of a few ideas for you, try thinking of a few of your own. And discover why you too should purchase your very own fighter/helicopter pilots helmet. If for some reason you have perused this ad and still find yourself bereft of ideas then this definitely isn't the product for you.
**Note: Retail price on said item, new, is close to $1000 US. I’m selling it for a mere $125.00. Act now!
***Note 2: I'm seldom home, so please leave a message. I anticipate being home for a short while on Wednesday, so if you leave a message I can arrange to sell it to you then.