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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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Playable, generally makes a braying noise like a dying donkey but I'm not sure if that's the instrument or the way I'm playing it.
Now the kid want's an electric guitar for Christmas, and you, the loving and doting parent, are contemplating buying it for him.
Probably the electric guitar is your way of apologizing for the lack of time you spend with him, you rationalize it by saying that maybe he'll do well and learn to play and be the world's next Kurt Cobain or John Lennon, but let's be real, he probably won't. Maybe he'll play it a few weeks, maybe, if he's determined, he'll learn to play the first few bars of "Stairway to Heaven" or "Smoke on the Water" before getting bored with it and putting it in the closet, to be dug out and sold at a loss at next years garage sale.
Or maybe he will do well at it. He'll take 1/2 hour lessons every week ($35.00 per lesson, $1470 per year...) and in a few years be hanging with the popular kids at school, smoking crack or pot, drinking, getting piercings and tattoos and fathering illegitimate children all over town while you work even longer hours and see him even less because there are that many more mouths to feed ("and where does the money go?" you wonder, but he's gotta pay for that drug habit somehow) and you just want to help out while the kid gets on his feet. finds a job or a band and makes his way up to becoming a famous rock star.
At night, you'll poke your head in his bedroom, there will be the Jim Morrison or Marilyn Manson posters over the futon on the floor, dirty laundry everywhere, blackened sheets or a Union Jack hung up over the basement window but he won't be there, he'll be in jail or at the bar and so you'll just have to say "I love you, son" to an empty room.
And it'll all be because you bought him that Electric Guitar.
Or maybe you could buy him an accordion.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: For Sale
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"So you really think it's by Michelangelo?" I said.
I know a thing or two about art, it didn't look like a Michelangelo to me but I could tell by the nails in the back that it was old and it would look pretty good across from the picture I have of the crying circus clown by Picasso and the little girl praying at the side of her bed with the back of her pajamas fallen down by Da Vinci.
"If not by the master himself, certainly it's in the school of. It's hard to say, back then they'd get the apprentices to paint the pictures and just go around and sign them at the end" he said.
"Like Andy Warhol" I observed, because as I said I know a thing or two about art.
"Exactly".
So I'm selling this fine, Antique, Old Masters Style (possibly even Michelangelo) painting of a choo-choo train. $25.00. It's old. I can't make out the signature and so I've not verified it to be a Michelangelo, but what does it matter? Great art speaks to the soul, and why should it's value change because of the brand of artist?
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: For Sale
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Exactly as pictured, missing a small bit of trim on the left side, no knobs or tubes.
Note this is an original item, not a reproduction.
Provenance? I'm glad you asked.
When I was a kid our family was pretty poor. Not the "I got an X-Box 360 for Christmas but I really wanted a WI" kinda poor that frequents the foodbanks nowadays, more the "My father was a dustman, he wears a dustman's cap" kinda poor. Anyways, one day he brought this radio home. Well, not a radio per-se, it was just the case but it was good enough for us. Every night, as we huddled about the fire he'd put the radio on his head and give us the news.
"Thees ees radio Reichssender Hamburg" he said in a funny voice, and then it changed "Germany Calling...." he said in another funny voice, all proper sounding, and he began to give us news of the war.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: For Sale
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A pair of antique candlesticks, converted to be used with electricity and then converted back to be used with candles.
These are priced slightly more than the Vintage candlesticks, for a couple of reasons:
#1) They're older. Look at the Patina on the underside, older = more money.
#2) (Im)Properly wired, they're worth at least $100,000 dollars in insurance money. At least. The house payments getting to be a bit much? The husband/wife becoming a bit of a nag? These are the candlesticks for you. Don't make me spell things out. You're getting 'em cheap and my lips are sealed.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: For Sale
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"What's this?" I asked, hefting the statue in my hands.The shopkeeper looked at me shrewdly, sizing me up.
He sucked his breath in between his teeth.
- "That..." he began "Is a bust of Arturo Fuento, The God of fine cigars."
"Really?" I said, intrigued. I don't smoke cigars but somehow the statue felt heavier, more valuable in my hands...
- "Indeed." he said. "The only carving in the world of him known to exist. Please be careful with it, it's priceless."
"I didn't know there was a God of Cigars."
- "You're not from around here, are you?. Arturo Fuento is the god to whom the natives used to direct their worship when they wanted a smoke."
"Really?" I was repeating myself. So often these souvenir shops are cluttered with the same old thing, coral and shark's tooth necklaces, bad handicrafts, T-Shirts, but I was beginning to think that I was on to something....
"How much?" I asked.
- "It's not for sale. The natives wouldn't allow me to sell it." and here his voice dropped to a whisper. "They still worship him...."
"No, really, how much?"
- "It's not for sale."
"I can give you " and I opened my wallet to check..."Ten dollars."
- "Not for sale"
"Twenty Dollars..."
- "For the only known statue in the world of Arturo Fuento, God of fire and fine cigars? You have to be joking..."
"One hundred American dollars..."
- "Will that be cash or American Express?"
Now, naturally I don't expect you to be as flush as I was at the time, but I've come to realize that as I don't actually smoke cigars having the God of Cigars on my desk is a bit pointless. Not that I haven't prayed to him for other favours, but apparently he limits his interests to smoking. Doubtless he is the piece you've been looking for to watch over your humidor. Since I don't believe one should traffic in spirits or gods (at least not for base commerce), I'm offering him up in trade for something of equal ju-ju, but smaller. No more than 2 inches at it's broadest dimension (OK, 3 inches if it's really good). I'm downsizing. Don't tell me what it is, I trust you implicitly. Just let me know when you'll be coming to pick it up and I'll leave him on my front doorstep. (don't be late, it's damnably cold outside and I'm pretty sure he's not used to it....).