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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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"You didn't have to shoot him, Colt" he said as he turned over the body lying on the table. "He only had a 3 and a 6. Nothing."
"Dead Man's Hand" said Ned, shaking his head sorrowfully. "3 and 6. Dead Man's Hand".
Hop Singh Joomp, or "Tex" as we called him, had been one of the best Poker players north of the 49th, but this was his last game.
"How much did I win?" I asked jauntily, trying to dispel the pall that seemed to have fallen over the table.
"Thirteen dollars 49 cents, 2 dollars of which are in Canadian Tire Money" said Shade. Shade was his name because of the green visor he always wore when playing cards.
"I think we should cancel poker night" said Ned, always the sourpuss. "That's 4 people you've killed in 4 weeks. I thought it was supposed to be a friendly game.."
"Can you get me another Coconut Rum Cooler, do you think Angel sweetie?" I asked the barmaid, trying to slip one of my newly won Canadian Tire Dollars into her G-String.
Angel was the topless waitress we brought in to serve beer on Poker nights. ....
***
We haven't had a friendly poker night ever since and so I've decided to sell this fine fruitwood antique card table. It's fruitwood because it's not Oak or Pine and what other kinds of wood are there? The pictures say it all. I work odd hours but could be around on the weekend if you're interested, or if you just want to drop around for a friendly game of cards ....
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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Playable, generally makes a braying noise like a dying donkey but I'm not sure if that's the instrument or the way I'm playing it.
Now the kid want's an electric guitar for Christmas, and you, the loving and doting parent, are contemplating buying it for him.
Probably the electric guitar is your way of apologizing for the lack of time you spend with him, you rationalize it by saying that maybe he'll do well and learn to play and be the world's next Kurt Cobain or John Lennon, but let's be real, he probably won't. Maybe he'll play it a few weeks, maybe, if he's determined, he'll learn to play the first few bars of "Stairway to Heaven" or "Smoke on the Water" before getting bored with it and putting it in the closet, to be dug out and sold at a loss at next years garage sale.
Or maybe he will do well at it. He'll take 1/2 hour lessons every week ($35.00 per lesson, $1470 per year...) and in a few years be hanging with the popular kids at school, smoking crack or pot, drinking, getting piercings and tattoos and fathering illegitimate children all over town while you work even longer hours and see him even less because there are that many more mouths to feed ("and where does the money go?" you wonder, but he's gotta pay for that drug habit somehow) and you just want to help out while the kid gets on his feet. finds a job or a band and makes his way up to becoming a famous rock star.
At night, you'll poke your head in his bedroom, there will be the Jim Morrison or Marilyn Manson posters over the futon on the floor, dirty laundry everywhere, blackened sheets or a Union Jack hung up over the basement window but he won't be there, he'll be in jail or at the bar and so you'll just have to say "I love you, son" to an empty room.
And it'll all be because you bought him that Electric Guitar.
Or maybe you could buy him an accordion.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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"So you really think it's by Michelangelo?" I said.
I know a thing or two about art, it didn't look like a Michelangelo to me but I could tell by the nails in the back that it was old and it would look pretty good across from the picture I have of the crying circus clown by Picasso and the little girl praying at the side of her bed with the back of her pajamas fallen down by Da Vinci.
"If not by the master himself, certainly it's in the school of. It's hard to say, back then they'd get the apprentices to paint the pictures and just go around and sign them at the end" he said.
"Like Andy Warhol" I observed, because as I said I know a thing or two about art.
"Exactly".
So I'm selling this fine, Antique, Old Masters Style (possibly even Michelangelo) painting of a choo-choo train. $25.00. It's old. I can't make out the signature and so I've not verified it to be a Michelangelo, but what does it matter? Great art speaks to the soul, and why should it's value change because of the brand of artist?
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Exactly as pictured, missing a small bit of trim on the left side, no knobs or tubes.
Note this is an original item, not a reproduction.
Provenance? I'm glad you asked.
When I was a kid our family was pretty poor. Not the "I got an X-Box 360 for Christmas but I really wanted a WI" kinda poor that frequents the foodbanks nowadays, more the "My father was a dustman, he wears a dustman's cap" kinda poor. Anyways, one day he brought this radio home. Well, not a radio per-se, it was just the case but it was good enough for us. Every night, as we huddled about the fire he'd put the radio on his head and give us the news.
"Thees ees radio Reichssender Hamburg" he said in a funny voice, and then it changed "Germany Calling...." he said in another funny voice, all proper sounding, and he began to give us news of the war.
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A pair of antique candlesticks, converted to be used with electricity and then converted back to be used with candles.
These are priced slightly more than the Vintage candlesticks, for a couple of reasons:
#1) They're older. Look at the Patina on the underside, older = more money.
#2) (Im)Properly wired, they're worth at least $100,000 dollars in insurance money. At least. The house payments getting to be a bit much? The husband/wife becoming a bit of a nag? These are the candlesticks for you. Don't make me spell things out. You're getting 'em cheap and my lips are sealed.