I'm not here for this one, but it's been well reported to me.
P & C have come into the restaurant, a superficially attractive couple in their early forties. By attractive I mean that the boys have all agreed they'd happily shag C, me, I'm not so attracted, she has that shallow smile and look of perpetual boredom upon her face that I find horribly unattractive.
And they're not the best customers, in fact no one can remember the last time they ordered something off the menu. Their water, provided gratis by the restaurant, needs to be without ice and with slices of lemon upon the side. Their ridiculous requests, usually made when the kitchen is far too busy to accommodate them, have the owner screaming at staff in the back. They can hear, they think it's funny.
This night they're bored, they talk to the Boss's nephew - "Is Rod Gay?" they ask, "He seems a bit...".
I'm not there, I wouldn't be offended if I was, I'd just politely tell P that he was out of luck. The nephew, he says he doesn't think so, I have children...
"What about you...?" they ask teasingly ..."You seem a bit.."
The nephew looks at them. "Give me 5 beer and your wife for 5 minutes and I'll show you...." he says to P.
They're shocked, flabbergasted, and from the look of perpetual boredom I've seen upon C's face I more than half suspect she'd offer to bring the beer if only...
The table beside them, 10 businessman, they're laughing uproariously, it's too funny.
P is beside himself, can't find words, finally: "That's not funny..." he says, but the Nephew has left, offended, they quickly finish their meal, pay and leave, there's the hope amongst all the staff that this might finally have been the last of them.