My YouTube videos lately have been of Sir Roger Penrose and Lectures by Richard Feynman.
The Feynman Lectures, excellent explanations that only serve to befuddle me more, and I can listen only to so many before I begin to get unsettled. They're synthesized from his notes, audio clips of him speaking, audio, it's the "Uncanny" feeling - that AI can resurrect you from the dead and have you do whatever it wants - listening to these for some reason builds up a pit of anxiety in my stomach.
So back to Penrose. I'm liking him; 94, still lucid and he disagrees with the standard Cosmological Model.
I; as well; disagree, the difference is that he does from a position of a lifetime commitment to studying physics and observing the universe and doing the math (ie: education) - mine simply a deep seated intuition that something is wrong. Not with the Universe - you have to love Feynman's quote "The Universe doesn't owe us an explanation" - but something deep and fundamental with our understanding of it.
A few examples: The expanding, or inflationary universe - (Big Bang Theory) - which are somewhat validated by the red shifting of stars and galaxies but then undermined by the supersized galactic rings and super structures that of necessity predate the "Dawn of the Universe". Even Eddington, whose idea it was - later came to reject it.
Why is the speed of light what it is? What of the Hubble tension?
And those pesky time-travelling Positrons, Dirac's equations, so many other questions -
Then there's the problem of an infinite, unbounded universe, which if left unchecked would see another me at another time perfectly incarnated, doing exactly what I'm doing right now - that all things of necessity would occur again, and this is also intuitively wrong. What I can imagine is that the laws of the universe will change as itself "evolves" to avoid this repetition
But - and the more I understand (which is really less) the more I can get on board with a whole host of spiritual teachings that explain it on a human scale - which, really, is going to have to be good enough.