Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Miscellany

Published: 24 March 2016

Hits: 2731

• psychedelic,
• LSD,
• Magic Mushrooms,
• Ecstasy,

Back in the day, University, I'd tried a few drugs...

Nothing too excessive, hash, 'mushrooms, pot...

The standard. I was curious. Always curious, since adolescence, curious about those worlds beyond expression, curious to understand what people, writers, authors I was reading, movies I was seeing, were referring to...

In high school I bought a few bags of lawn clippings from a friend. $20.00. Grass. "Grass". I was a bit annoyed, completely taken in, I clearly didn't have the connections. I was every drug-dealers placebo dream client, only I knew, I showed it to more knowledgeable friends, they told me...Just Grass. 

My manager at work, a shoe-repair store, me only 15 years old, inviting me over to visit, hot knives, the coke-bottle bongs, I'm sorta-completely-stoned finding my way home after work, bloodshot eyes, but still, no epiphany's, no real understanding, merely stoned and confused...

Kevin, a friend from work, he had tried to get me some pot once, couldn't get it, ended up buying an ounce of mushrooms for $25.00. The last of our money back in the day when $25.00 was a lot of money. And as neither of us had tried 'shrooms before we ate them, one at a time, waiting, waiting, nothing, and laughing, loud, hard, at our ignorance, the fact that we'd spent the last of our money on these magic beans, 'shrooms, which clearly were doing nothing, laughing at what suckers we were, and laughing as I saw him to the door, "g'night Kevin", and laughing all the way to bed, whereupon whenever I attempted to close my eyes all the Muppets from hell descended upon me...

Just like in Labyrinth...

We figured it all out later...

***

Still, no understanding...interesting, yes, but the rest of it all eluded me...

***

Later, in University, I did have the connections, bought a couple of grams of hash from a friend at the restaurant I worked in. Tried to roll it into joints in the Arts Students Association office, none of my friends were interested in the experiment, none of my joints even remotely passed the test, burning paper, tobacco, no Hashish, I didn't smoke yet, know how to roll a cigarette, finally consulting a friend I ate it...

I was gone for 3 days. A good 3 days, a car accident, crashed in Lisa's basement bedroom, imagining all the while I was in the French Riviera, she was patient...

It was impressive.

But subsequent experiments made me nauseous, the smell, even, was enough to make me vomit...

So it was a long, long break before trying anything too interesting again. In restaurants, Pot is commonplace, and I'd tried it a few times since, always to the same effect. And Coke, cocaine, but that's a little above my budget and really, really? There is far better bang for your buck...

***

Fast forward another 25 or 30 odd years and I'm rediscovering psychedelics. A more reliable network of friends, better quality products, greater diversity, and they're experiencing a bit of a resurgence. And so cautiously I dip a toe again...

They are impressive. Impressive in the way that they can get you entirely outside of yourself and open up entire new worlds, ways of thinking. But like anything they demand caution, moderation, respect. The nice thing, though, about psychedelics, is that they self regulate. You can't take LSD, Mushrooms, MDMA, 2 or 3 days in a row, they won't work, the effect drops off, you can only take them once a week, once a month, and if you've taken a full dose, you'd have to be crazy to want to take them more...

A couple of minor doses of LSD, preparatory, laughing doses of Mushrooms, then finally, alone one night, a couple of days off from work, I need to quit smoking, need to fix a few things with myself, I dose up, 2 hits, the most I've taken...

***

When you buy acid the dosages vary. You never know what you're getting, it's hard to find a trusted supplier, I'd tried this at single dose levels, high, yes, effects, yes, but enlightenment, transformation, awe, the grand understanding, it eluded me....merely a very cool drug...

But 2 hits, well, that's a different story....

***

LSD, like a lot of Hallucinogens, is unpredictable. Not entirely, it plays with your expectations, provides for them, loads of people have taken 2, 3, 4, more hits of acid and never found enlightenment, just amusing and scary trips...But they weren't looking for enlightenment, the grand epiphany, understanding, realization...they only wanted to get high, and that they did...

And dosage, while linearly applied, has a very bell curve in terms of it's effect, 2 Hits of Acid isn't double the trip, it's 4 time, 8 times, a full order of magnitude...small increases in dosage result in big differences in your trip... And acid has that habit of delivering what you're looking for, you need to take it in the right setting, with the right people, otherwise it'll be no good...

***

But this is all experiential. You need to try it to understand, and you need to try it with purpose, not as a recreation. As recreation I'd say it's insane, but I'd say this about a lot of things...Despite all the bad press, it's still a lot less harmful than alcohol or tobacco, for reasons I'll get into below...

***

First, there is the time dilation. Friend warns me that it will take about 3 hours to kick in, and last about 12 hours afterwards. And after soaking the tabs beneath my tongue and swallowing them I wait the requisite 3 hours...nothing...maybe...nothing...call friend...

And suddenly time extends, an hour on the phone with friend, getting refreshed on the symptoms, the predicted duration of the trip, I'm feeling it now, it's a minute after I called and time is stretching into infinity, the thought that I have 12 hours of infinity ahead of me is unbearable, unbelievable, and I realize I've just jumped onto the biggest, longest, scariest roller coaster of my life and there isn't any getting off for a hundred years or so... 

It's now 3 hours since I took it and it's kicking in, full swing, and I'm getting the jitters, the time dilation, listening, over and over, to "Gloria", live version by Patti Smith, it's the anthem of this particular trip, never finishing the song, merely the first few bars, starting it again, listening, replay, as the night goes on and the trip progresses I get further and further through the song, it has, for me, at this time, unbelievable magic and potency...

Calling, friends, ex's, everyone on my cell is vulnerable. And some are understanding and some take the time, the moment, to bullshit me, to lie, prevaricate, and I understand, see through it all, but I understand as well that these are the relationships I've built for myself and so, in a way, this is no less than I deserve...

I'm understanding, I'm having the epiphany...

Time, dragging, how long now have I been tripping? Anxiety, overwhelming, check time, maybe 5 minutes, 11 hours and 55 minutes to go, fucking bloody hell...

My mind, it's exploded into a thousand parts, every conflict, little me, mind, is working it's own agenda and I can see them all, I'm simultaneously undergoing and viewing all of their thoughts, and this, to some extent, explains the time dilation, typically you live in one consciousness, the active, everyday yourself, the seamless merger of the thousand unconscious ideas and hidden minds, but at this moment they are all alive, separate, speaking, and you're hearing every one, listening, understanding, and this, these parallel streams of thought, a hundred, thousand at a time, they're what is causing time to extend, your mind races and is overloaded....

From the walls come the bugs, they crawl from the cracks in the floor, ceiling, spiders, this could become a bad trip in a hurry and in my anxiety I suppress them, push them back, I, the big me, the ego in it's fractured entirety, in control...

The trip progresses. I find understanding, and various notes I'd hidden around my flat to remind me of my purpose...and I call and annoy friends and exes and hang up and wait a hundred years and call them again not 5 minutes later...

I have a thousand epiphanies. My mind opens up to myself, myths I'd fallen prey to, Money, the corrupting influence, Money, it must be worked for, earned with your blood, sweat and tears, It doesn't come easy, that love is age related, related to looks, a thousand other things, monogamy, that true love is forever, that sex is only fine within marriage, the starving artist, that any artist worth his or her salt will never succeed in his or her lifetime...

A thousand epiphanies, every subconscious social, media, religious or spiritual message that had somehow worked it's way like a thorn into my reasoning, my unconscious, to taint the purity of my thought, ambition, life...

These understandings come to me, countless others, outside, pacing, smoking, waiting, there are waves with this, waves of goodness, love, waves of anxiety, there are the visuals, everything is resonant, looking at the concrete deck I see Meso-American tiles swirling and animated, a layer floating above the concrete, and through them I can see through to the center of the earth...the visuals, I know I'm hallucinating, but they are amazing, and I'm amazed at the detail, the texture, the depth, ...

Inside, listening to Gloria, outside, on the phone, annoying friends, lovers, liars, and others, inside, listening, Gloria, and coming to some understanding of the many countless me's inside and how they all fail to add up...

***

It was a long trip. Not just for me, there are a few patient people that deserve some thanks here, even those who were lying and I knew, shit, I was a pest. That was a long trip. But following it I quit smoking for 3 months, relatively no problem, one of the noted side effects of psychedelics...other addictions drop by the wayside, you have that perspective upon yourself, upon your life and others...

I started smoking again 3 months later. Sam. That's another story, but I wasn't as quit as I thought I was... 

But I understood, I'd had my epiphany, my experience that's beyond the pale words I used to describe it, and while it's been a couple years and I'm due to try again, have yet to quit smoking, have other creative barriers to work through, but I hesitate at the commitment, the time, the self-knowledge and forgiveness, still, if you're sane, if you have some understanding of yourself and want to explore, I'd recommend this. 

It's a good, it's a great, thing. It's beyond words. My words at least, ... and I've found better descriptions, but trust me, life is experiential. Reading, watching movies, listening to music, it's not living.

Be prepared. Forearmed is forewarned. It's not an easy thing. And, some things I've learned since tripping, and would recommend you heed:

***(Not a point for anyone tripping - if you have a slender grasp on reality this article is not for you. You probably won't survive an acid trip. This article is for people that more or less fall into the mainstream definition of psychologically healthy.) 

1) Appoint a trip adviser. A Shaman, someone who's done this before you, who knows what to expect and can guide you through. Someone Wise.

2) Ceremony - arrange a ceremony. Incense, candles, what have you. This is a transition, an initiation, this demands your respect. Trust me. Treat it lightly and you'll face the consequences...treat it with the respect it deserves and you'll be amazed and well rewarded. Create the environment you want to experience your trip in. Make it comfortable, fill it with items from your past, those things that inspire you, there will be plenty of things to arise and challenge you, the environment you create will be the buffer, the mindfulness, the part of your trip you didn't know you were taking when you were arranging it....

3) Check dosage. Try it in little increments first. When you know you're tripping, make a note. When you undergo you're initiation you can double or triple the dose. LSD is still illegal, and as such must be bought through dodgy street vendors. Know and trust what you're getting, and take a couple of small, trial, perfunctory trips before arranging the big one.

4) Finally, all of the above in order, don't suppress or avoid any demons or unpleasantness. There will be that, almost invariably. We are none of us perfect. Instead, when you see your demons, whether they be spiders, snakes, devils, whatever, confront and converse with them, negotiate with them, they will quickly disappear and or integrate into your character. You will understand and conquer fear. Fear is that reasonable part of you that wishes to protect you from all unpleasantness. Understand this, embrace it, let go of your ego, and don't be afraid to "Lose it". It's only when you lose something that you find and appreciate it. And by losing your ego you will discover there's much to gain, if even for this short while...

In the end, what will you get out of it? That's hard for me to say. A great many people who've approached psychedelics in the right setting and with the right intentions have come to some sort of understanding of themselves, the world, their place in it. Maybe you will as well. But - as always - ALWAYS - don't take my word for this, or anything for that matter, do your own research, come to your own conclusions, just try to keep an open mind and recognize your prejudices.

To that end, I've listed a variety of links to articles that in one way or another support my worldview. Read them. Find those articles that oppose them, then decide for yourself. And bear in mind that you only live once, and unless you've been meditating on a mountaintop these past 20 years this just might be your best chance at enlightenment....

*** 

• http://www.newsweek.com/psychedelic-drugs-safe-riding-bike-or-playing-soccer-318828
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=43&v=W9iKx2MKS70 (not exactly a psychedelic, but a drug that's gotten a lot of bad press...)
• ttp://www.theverge.com/2015/11/11/9700446/ibogaine-treatment-opiate-addiction-psychedelic-drug
• https://gimletmedia.com/episode/44-shine-on-you-crazy-goldman/
• http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/features/how-lsd-microdosing-became-the-hot-new-business-trip-20151120
• http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/11/23/the-trip-planners
• http://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/high-culture-part-1-1.3280226
• http://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/high-culture-part-2-1.3292940
• http://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/high-culture-part-3-1.3331467
• http://motherboard.vice.com/read/ayahuascas-medical-power-is-well-known-now-science-can-back-it-up
• http://www.livescience.com/16287-mushrooms-alter-personality-long-term.html?li_medium=more-from-livescience&li_source=LI
• http://www.gq.com/story/lsd-life-saving-drug
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao8L-0nSYzg
• http://oncologynews.com.au/lsds-medical-comeback/
• http://www.nature.com/news/brain-scans-reveal-how-lsd-affects-consciousness-1.19727

I could list links citing the benefits of psychedelics out the yin-yang. Really. Just understand that if you're psychologically healthy, the risks are slight and the benefits are potentially enormous. 

Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Miscellany

Published: 15 March 2016

Hits: 2207

• Restaurant,
• Economy,

The Calgary Economy is clearly broken, skyrocketing and under-reported unemployment, 7.9% doesn't count those who were contractors, who left the province, those who's EI has run out, every customer and supplier is singing us the same old story: "Never seen it this bad..."

The restaurant, it's been dying slowly, the past 5 years, fewer and fewer customers returning, there are a lot of new and fashionable choices, we're not amongst them. 

We lose customers, death, retirement to warmer climes, once a week regulars now drop by once a year, this year, the past few months, we're clearly not making any money, and the boss is getting increasingly grouchy. He reluctantly cuts back, minimally, on staff, weekends we still bring in part-timers so he has someone to play cards with, do his prep, but really, he could get by with half the staff. Fire a waiter, close on Mondays, and he'd save $3,000 a month. 

Never on the full timers. We're salaried. All three of us, even for a single table, are brought in, try and take a slow lunch off and see what happens, I dare you, the Nephew did, screaming, yelling, we're all going down with this ship together...a large booking on a slow night and you lose your day off...working more hours for less money, don't question it, it's ridiculous, but ride it out until summer, bide your time..."You're lucky to have a job" the owner reminds us, his own form of motivation, sometimes I wonder...

You know he's thinking it, the problem is, of course, that while the restaurant at the moment would run fine on two waiters, if one of those waiters was his nephew, well...

Not so good. The Nephew, never together in the first place, is falling apart, nervous tics, stutters, multiplying, his uncle doesn't want him to take orders, answer the phone, his once a year haircut, once a month shave, distinct fashion choices, his cell phone glued to his hand, ass glued to the chair, he's worrying about his own job, wondering if he's angered his uncle, doesn't occur to him that he may have overstayed his welcome, that it might be time for him to try and find his own place, he's comfortable in the bosses basement and loudly tells us how much he's saved...

Business, slow, we order bread now twice a week, only half orders, still we never have it fresh, always bringing it out of the fridge, the freezer. Desserts, food, spoil before we get a chance to serve, the cheesecake turns blue and the ice cream is encased by frost, sitting in the fridge for weeks, months even...

He's losing money, hand over fist, he should just close, but what would he do? Without hobbies or close personal friendships he'd be done, dead in a year or two, heart attack, stroke, the restaurant, it's the only thing he's lived for for the last 30 odd years...He hides in his office, surfing the internet, venturing out only to rail at staff or visit with a few of his favorite customers. 

The glasses, water-stained, the china chipped and cracked, the drapes dusty and tied up with duct tape, the paint worn and stained, carpets faded, the restaurant is done, it justifies no improvement or renovation, it should, really, just close, end it all already, but he won't, still, save every nickel, every dime, his mood swings are extreme and employment, at the moment, is day to day and precarious at best...

A***** and I, we're both taking solace, it's just a matter of time before one or both of us are gone, it's intolerable, unlivable, and when we're gone we imagine how happy the restaurant will be with just the owner and the Nephew...

Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Miscellany

Published: 10 March 2016

Hits: 2199

• LinkedIn,
• Professional,

I never use it, signed up a long time ago when I was a little more professionally employed. But I still get updates, amazed, I know they harvest your emails to make suggestions, but it was suggesting people I'd went to University with 30 years ago, long before the internet and computers and things...people I only vaguely remembered.

...Just good luck, I figured, coughing up people with similar skills and from the same alma mater...

Then yesterday, a list of 3 ex-girlfriends, Paulette, Sheryll, Cheryll...one of whom didn't even go to the U of A.

This is weird, eerie, and I'm wondering - well, what's up? Where are they getting these names from? Really? And going to the site, I discover, of course, that they're recommending people who've viewed my profile. Curious, especially since I've got far more going on away from LinkedIn. Maybe they don't know how to use Google...Paulette, New Zealand? Really? I mean, I'd get Europe, Africa, but...And Cheryl, Medical? Puzzles me. But the mystery at least is solved, although I'm surprised by how many people remember my last name...

 

Details

Written by: Rod Boyle

Category: Miscellany

Published: 07 March 2016

Hits: 2113

• Cleaning,
• Chores,

Really, with my schedule and all it's a miracle I get anything done. And with the new addition of a social calendar I've been getting pretty much nothing done. Friend comes over for coffee, sees the same pile of tents, sleeping bags and prospecting equipment that's been piled up in the kitchen for the last 2 1/2 months, sees the desk and vacuum left splayed (unconvincingly) across the living room floor and tells me I'm deranged...she's not going to take off her boots.

...she's at the other extreme, her house, cleaned top to bottom twice a week, whether it needs it or not. Equally deranged in my books, I have the same rhythm, just yearly, and she caught me at the wrong end of the cycle. I've got to clean up, it's starting to oppress me, weigh upon my soul...

...I used to have a live in maid, gave her a room for free if she'd clean, only I wouldn't let her clean the bedroom or my desk and I refused to unpack all the boxes I had stacked in the kitchen and after a time she began to feel a bit overwhelmed herself and decided she'd prefer to pay rent and so moved out...

...and when I finish the cleaning there's the stack of paper notes by the computer, books to read, projects to complete, cleaning has always been at the low end of my priorities, and I realize that I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed...