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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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With fall rapidly approaching we've acquired a mouse. Everyone in the kitchen has seen it, we've seen it in the dining room, bar, now the question is to catch it.
We've had these infestations before, always managed to catch them all, the tell-tale droppings on the table cloth, in the bread, this, a single mouse, maybe two, we'll round them up....
But it's Greg VS Mouse, and I have a pretty strong feeling that it will be Greg that is outwitted.
Picture an animated Ren and Stimpy type cartoon, only Greg as the older, alcoholic bartender, short, burly Italian, red nose, standing behind the bar in the swarm of fruitflies he's been trying to exterminate now for a year...he looks like nothing so much as a miniature french bulldog, those anxious, sad, worried eyes...
And mouse, confidently running about the dining room, bar, kitchen...
In any battle of the wits, Mouse is sure to win...
Every week, Greg lays traps, baits them with the finest cheeses. Every week, mouse eludes him. Every week, Greg orders more ACME products, all of which somehow backfire ridiculously, the mouse does the same on his days off, but the mouses plans are better laid, they work out better. Think Tom and Jerry, Wile E Coyote and Roadrunner...
It's the live re-enactment of a cartoon, and all I have to do is watch. The Mouse will be fine...
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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And I'm surprised one lunch to see the laundry guy in...he's in his biking leathers, not his usual work uniform, he's here to see the owner of the restaurant, has a business proposition for him...
I leave it alone, he's a nice guy, it's none of my business. And while the owner has made time for this appointment with him, and we've only a single table in the restaurant, he makes him wait ... it's a power thing I've noticed, his way of proving his authority over all the minions that fall within his domain, service people, employees, customers...
Laundry guy waits, an hour or so, finally he's joined by a better dressed friend - "Used to own his own business" he tells me, he's clearly impressed, and the owner then takes a few minutes to meet with them in the private room...
It's a short audience, he excuses himself, he's lots to worry about with his childcare payments, girlfriends, etc, maybe they should talk to me instead.
Of course. And so they do, and I enquire politely what it is they do, and they tell me, rather vaguely and in a roundabout fashion, that they help people to collect residuals on essential services, like cell-phone and electricity bills, things that people have to pay for.
Now I've got it, it's a multi-level marketing scam, pyramid scheme, there's a sucker born every minute, but I'm polite and ask general questions which they generally evade but have I heard of Donald Trump? He's an interested party...no, it's good, it will be great, and while they can't direct me to a website to do some research they can leave me this glossy magazine...
Like the Jehova's Witnesses, or Amway suckers, only their magazine is way glossier, "SUCCESS FROM HOME", with articles and titles like "Eric Trump: Stepping Out of the Shadow", as if he's some sort of Luke Skywalker living in his pa's reputation, and "FREE SERVICES: Free Kids from Hunger - It doesn't get any simpler or more powerful than that". Flipping through the magazine it's a collection of stupid, glossy photos, a lifestyle aspiration magazine for the gullible and naive, commercialism as religion, motivational articles, "The Best that they can be", it's idiocy squared, cubed, but with a glossy cover and just enough attractive and wholesome looking numbskulls to make it appealing to a large audience...
This new scam, endorsed by Donald Trump, is exactly that, a MLM scheme whereby ACN buys bundled services from internet providers, cellular data companies, electricity companies, bundles them under it's own brand name and recruits suckers to market with the promise of a 'lifetimes worth of residuals".
There's one born every minute...
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He'd been pretty good, for a while, for himself, the one constant rant was that he was being taken to the cleaners by his third ex wife, $14K in child support per month, he'd had it, had enough...but his 40 year old daughter had moved out, he'd paid a years worth of her rent up front in Cochrane to get rid of her, given her a BMW, life should be looking up...
Of course it was too good to last...
L******* - a female friend of his, "friend", if you get my meaning, had come to talk with him about maybe topping up his daughter's allowance, an extra $100 per month so she could pay for gas to get to and from work...if he cared...
He loses his shit on her. It's the last straw, his ex wife, lawyers, of his three adult children, she's the best, but she's no fucking trophy, let me tell you, a 240 lb alcoholic, loud-mouthed shit with two slut brats in tow, $1200 dollar a month allowance to live in his house, $300 a month in speeding tickets, wouldn't get a job, refused, too busy, lazy, fetched groceries and liquor from the restaurant, finally had to be paid off to leave, now she wants more? We can all hear him screaming, full volume, top of his shrieking Italian lungs, at her in the private room, where she used to...
...anyways, the night sours for us all, he's screaming all night, kicking things, swearing, slamming doors, menace and violence mark his shadow on the floor, he's darkly hatching plans...
L*******, she calls G*** to apologize, none of us will have it, she should have known better, if, when we see her next we'll give her a piece of our mind. Fucking shithead. Her 10 minutes of glory in the private room to broach things no sane person would suggest - I mean, really, why the fuck should you be expected to support your 40 year old child? Really? In addition to ex wife and $14,000 towards the two youngest half-wits-in-the-rearing...We've all had it, we all pay the price, all night long, 8 hours of a fuming lunatic frothing in rage, spitting, throwing shit at anyone that comes near him...it's too much.
The night, eventually, passes, but it raised a couple of thoughts inside me...he's a multi-millionaire, the classic immigrant success story, yet of his 3 adult children all in some way or another are reliant on social services for their well being. Subsidized housing, shelters, mental health treatments, healthcare (none work or pay taxes) foster care, prisons...We are all, collectively and in perpetuity, paying down the debt on his ill gotten gains. And in the case of the daughter there's another generation upcoming, two living generations of debt so that he can remain rich...there's a metaphor here.
The oil sands, creators of billions of dollars, tens of billions of dollars in revenues that are moved out of the country to disappear into the hands of investors, shareholders, presidents of foreign companies, when they are gone it will be us, the taxpayers and citizens, left behind to pay trillions to clean up their mess.
This does not seem to me to be capitalism, but in it's ugliest sense it is.
We really need a better fucking system.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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A friend describes him as the new "PMILF", which makes me laugh, seems a little Vanilla but he's certainly demonstrated his mass appeal. That said, he was running against the Emperor Palpatine, which no doubt helped.
Impressed, though, by his magnanimous acceptance speech, noteworthy, his reassurance to the NDP and Conservatives, both of whom operated rather dirty campaigns designed to undermine his lack of experience.
Now, time to see how he measures up; a majority government, "From those to whom much is given, much will be expected...". Fingers crossed.
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Election Day, reassuring the number of younger people at the polling station, there's hope for change.
Now this is not one of those frivolous elections where we vote as we are inclined, for candidates that might somehow reflect our own points of view, no, this has gotten a little more serious, this is the voting out of Harper, and so my vote goes to a local and federal candidate that I don't particularly like. Sometimes you do what you must, but finally, enough is enough, it's time for a change.
Reassuring, though, that both the Globe and Mail and National Post seem to have written off Harper and the Conservatives - lets hope they're right.