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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
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He's back in with his girlfriend. He had moved out, was living in the truck and there was the threat, for a few days, that he was going to come and stay on my sofa. But he's patched things up, she owes him money and so he swallowed his pride and moved back in. Just until he gets paid....
***
Saturday night and it's slow, in the book it's busy as all out but with the storm warnings and foot of snow people have been calling to cancel. And so he's sitting down by the hostess station and having me help him improve his English...
"How do you say 'I'm want to fucking rape your ass'? Is that right...No...'I'm going to fucking rape your ass'? Is that right?"
I assure him that in this instance his English is flawless. The waitresses just shake their heads. He likes the attention.
***
He's perpetually horny and groping the front of his trousers, pinching his manhood. Whenever there's a chance he's groping the waitresses, pushing himself up against them on the bar and playing with their hair, exploring and testing their limits...for a laugh, and to push things that little bit farther, he picks up a small knife off the bar and holds it against one of the waitresses throats while he rubs himself against her behind, practicing his perfected English: "I'm gonna fucking rape your ass, bitch...fucking..." and here his words drop off to grunts and moans. The waitress just bears it and shakes her head. When he's done I ask her how she explains a typical day at work to her boyfriend...oddly enough, it turns out she doesn't. And I think of all those law firms sued for millions by their pretty little interns who felt that a pinch or an inappropriate comment constituted harassment...
***
It's slower than expected, still OK, just not as busy as it looked initially. He's decided that he has a trace of the flu and so spends the evening sitting on the overstuffed chairs by the washroom, trying to persuade the 16 year old hostess to go out with him as soon as he's finished breaking off with his girlfriend. And when it's obvious that he's doing nothing he goes outside to have a cigarette, then comes back in and sits again in front of the washrooms. "I'm sick...." he explains. It's not particularly a busy night, but it's getting busier with his insistence upon doing nothing, you tease him lightly, hoping to get him off his ass to help out, but he's insensible, "I'm sick...." he says in that thick accent, then pinches his crotch yet again and calls the hostess over.....
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 1609
Now these are the worst customers.
By which, to explain briefly, all the customers are his friends. But some are old friends, long standing, they have connections outside of the restaurant. And the closer they are, the closer they imagine they are, the worse they are as customers.
Older, middle aged men, between 55 and 60 years old. Single, divorced perhaps once or twice. They walk into the restaurant, don't speak to me or G or the bosses' nephew, they demand the boss, want to know if he's in (he's always in if we're open), help themselves to a table, stay late, too late, presume upon his hospitality, and even more amusing...
...as long as you're not a waitress....
....is the scene where the owner introduces them to the new waitress(es), offers them the chance to "date" them - (he would, only he's married), and then the waitress is left to fend for herself...
and the friends, they never get this skit, coming in again and again to try their luck with a girl (or girls) 30, 35 years their junior, promising them great jobs and houses and spending allowances if only they'd.....
It's slimy and appalling and a little like watching a train wreck. Nonetheless, for all of their money most of these men aren't especially socially skilled and come back again and again, ostensibly to visit the owner but really to check on the new prospects the owner has (laughingly) lined up for them. It's sad. They stay late, waiting for the waitress to get off work, tip badly, are rude to staff (the staff they're not interested in). They are the worst customers.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 1659
"You Lazy" he says, then corrects himself: "You're lazy!".
He's annoyed because the new manager has called him lazy and told on him to his pa. Now the new manager isn't one exactly to be throwing stones, and really, it's such a small arena and we're all in it together and small trifles like this annoy him, annoy everyone.
It's true he's lazy, but he also puts in the overtime and shows up on his days off to make sure things are running smoothly. And he's the boss's nephew and so he's not going anywhere and like so many things in the restaurant, you just have to work around it.
So now he's trying to wind me up: "You Lazy" he says to me, hoping for some reaction. I just laugh. And he starts in on how he hates working with all the girls, girls have no place in this restaurant, it's fine dining, they're all lazy, they have no class, and I get to listen.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 1546
We get lots of business people. The Big Wheels in the city, mostly oil and gas, some technology and support services. People with big expensive cars and even bigger expense accounts. Most of them are regulars, we know them by name or to see them.
And then there are the others, the not so regular, shady business people looking to make a great impression. Reservation under "DePonzi & Associates", they meet with potential investors and hush their voices when the service staff approaches. Still you can overhear fragments before the tone drops - quiet voices promising great fortunes: "Millions of ounces of gold....still underground...limited investment opportunity...", huge returns promised on relatively small capital investments, and their eager guests, starry eyed in anticipation of the great sums they'll make...
It's a classic con, the fine restaurant a front for dodgy dealings, and you wish you could warn them but it's not your job and so you just smile and take their order.
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: People
- Hits: 1625
He comes in at 1:00 PM. We close, officially, at 2:00, the kitchen's often gone by 1:15 or 1:30.
He's waiting for his date. He doesn't want to sit in the dining room with the rest of the customers, he wants to sit instead in the closed dining room. And once there he gets on his cell phone and begins talking to his date. "She's on her way" he tells me.
He's a new regular, I don't recognize him since I left but one of the other staff members lets me know who he is.
He won't get off his cell phone, but eventually, the third or fourth time I approach the table he tells me that we have a bottle of wine for him in the cooler, the owner knows what it is.
I find it, it's a cheap Orvietto.
We charge him a small corkage, $20.00, it makes it by far the cheapest wine on our menu, or not on our menu as luck would have it.
He continues to talk to his guest on the phone, 1:30, 1:45 and she's still not here. The Owner, the kitchen is open awaiting their order. And the whole time he's on his cell phone.
At 1:55 she arrives and the kitchen gets the order. The last table has left the restaurant, from the other, the "open" side, at about 1:30.
He's out of wine now and gives the waitress $22.00 to run to the liquor store and buy him another bottle of this wine, this $11.00 bottle of Orvietto, and reminds her that the corkage is only $20.00.
They strew their papers and business documents all over the table and stay in the restaurant with his guest until 5:00 PM when we reopen, then decide it's time to leave.
Their waitress, she tells me that he's a new regular of sorts, started coming before Christmas. The owner doesn't know what to think, wants to tell him to come in earlier so he doesn't have to keep the kitchen, keep everyone here all day, I want to tell him it's futile, this customer, he's not unaware that we're closed, he's just possessed of incredibly bad manners.