The Collected Aphorisms of Aaron Haspel, via Boing Boing.
A few favorites:
"It is often only slightly more trouble to do a thing well than to do it badly."
"If you want to kill your marriage, talk about it."
"No-brainer, n. An idea that is extremely persuasive provided that you don't think about it."
"I might have had a proper education if I had not been forced to spend so much time in school."
"He who can, writes books. He who cannot, writes books for children."