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Summer, Crazy Days, Etc
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Blog
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The last few days, short staffed at work - as always, slammed Monday, but with regulars I knew, our "better" customers, then again Tuesday, non-stop, the sketched Shambala crews, some tippers, some not so much. The day is long, wave after wave after wave, like some sort of Zombie Apocalypse, people sitting on the beach, assholes every one, it's get through it to the end, these last 6 weeks promise to be brutally long.
Now C* - worked with last year, a worker, diner styled matronly waitress, a little too plump and doesn't like running, and the other, JR's mother in law, here to work but really she's "Doing us a favour", she's a problem, doesn't bus tables, or run the dishwasher, or a thousand other things necessary to keep the ship running smoothly. And as such I find myself incredibly busy only to realize I'm picking up the slack, I'm not so busy on my own behalf, rather busy picking up after this lazy-ass ...
Anyways, my ire peaked I leave her to do the cleanup, floor it into Nelson, it's my Friday and Taco Tuesday all in one and I'm going to start my week-end right.
The liquor store, the evening's ration, I run into a dirty B* from the Chamber of Mines, also getting a ration, although his is a little better quality, chat, he's enthused, South Slocan, found his way into a big crystal pocket, hauling out some huge ones, and I'm inspired, I'll have to pop round the Chamber of Mines and see what he's dug up...
After Tacos, (too many and not to the usual standard) I drive down to Rossland. Nighttime, late, the roads are empty and it's a peaceful hour and half spent.
The night, at altitude, cool, I tuck into my sleeping bag, I've not slept this good since, well, since it heated up.
Wednesday morning, café, coffee and a scone, then a nap on a bench waiting for the thrift shop to open. I'm keeping up my reputation...
No finds, but from here to a logging road, 20 KM up, all manners of mafic, ultramafic, igneous, some heavily mineralized veins up here, there's gold and I can smell it, some vuggy spots with rusty, dirty quartz crystals inside (none worth keeping), some what appears to be massive skarn garnet, greenish mineral (limonite?), brownish crystals (??), all sorts, and so this amuses me some hours poking about, then further up, freshly blasted a marble deposit, then again further up more veins of rusty quartz, which I smashed and smashed again in the hopes of seeing some free gold, but I did not.
From here now back onto the highway, and what was a pleasant nighttime drive is now the stress of getting out of the fucking way of every car zooming up behind, and there's not near enough shoulder for me to be on the highway. This drive is a nightmare, I need to remember - other than construction-delayed Kootenay Lake, to keep this beast off the highway in the daytime...
Castlegar, I find some Chinese, I should have waited, the owner, pleasant but incompetent, her server, the same, 5 minutes to take an order, to fetch a glass of water, to bring change, how is it possible given that I'm the only person here?...
***
Evening, cool down & nap in Lakeside Park. Find a spot on the grass with my book, read, doze, the park is filled with the ambient noise of children playing, there's a giant xylophone, drum in the park, they jingle and bang non-stop, the piano at the ice-cream café is tinkled upon by children, the conversations of passers by, glimpses of melody.
The drum circle begins, eyes closed and I listen, they're ferocious, laying down some good rhythms and beats, how many are they? More than fifty, not quite a hundred, they're very good.
And now something new, techno-world-fusion dance music, and I sit up and open my eyes...
Someone's driven a white car into the park, set up speakers, and is blasting this music...
People are dancing. I recognize Nelson from Nelson and he's there, smiling, always in a good mood, and he's explaining it's "Dance Fusion", ecstatic dance, just come and dance, and people, they are coming, soon there's a crowd, 50 people, 100 people, 150 people, I recognize them, so and so from the laundrette, the Magic Man, there's the autistic girl from the library, very pretty, looks like an elf, ears poking through long dark hair, the dancefloor is bounded by the extension cords running to the speakers, she for the first half stands outside it, on the very edge, hands dancing (not feet), then just inside it when she "joins", if that is the right word...
The dancing, world-beat music, not rave quality but good enough, and everyone is freestyling, 150 people, 150 styles of dance, the people, the people, aged 2-75, no one demographic predominates, there's jugglers and fire spinners (no fire, merely the spinner) practicing, hoop dancers, there's everyone...
This ends the evening...
***
This morning, coffee, Big City Girl is back again, and I'm wondering if it's to stay, and Magic Man asks if I enjoyed the Dance Fusion and I'm off to do laundry, hit the local thrift shops, drive off to Kokanee Creek to shower, shave, trim my nails, back into town for some lunch, then to the library, and now, time to do some work...
Predatory Tipping Ideas...
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Ideas & Questions
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And this has just occurred to me, with the rise in preposterous tipping standards - by which I mean any machine which starts above 10% or goes higher than 20%, or those machines that prey upon people that don't read carefully the prompts and organize the tipping in reverse, 20% (or greater) at the top and 10% (or greater) on the bottom, ...
Well, you get the idea. The whole culture's gone mad with unrealistic expectations and it seems I'm the only one to notice or publicly observe it.
Debit - POS machines - should make corresponding noises and have appropriate displays for both good and lousy tippers.
For example, when a customer selects the 20%, 25%, 30% option there could be a little "Woo-hoo" noise like you get on a winning lottery ticket, followed by a congratulatory "You're a Champ" or "What a Rockstar" or "Good Job!!!", and an appropriate fireworks display on the screen that turns from monochrome to full color and maybe a "Ching-Ching-Ching" noise like you get when a slot machine pays out. These noises should be broadcast loudly on the restaurant's intercom system so that all the customers can hear. And color code the Tipping options - red for 10%, yellow for 15%, and green for 20% or above.
Positive reinforcement I'd call it.
And for those tightwads that don't tip, or tip the bare minimum - perhaps a "Really?" or an under-the-breath muttered "Tightwad" or "Cheap Fuck" and the sound of a rasberry. Maybe even a "Try Again".
Now, how to pitch this idea to Moneris and the debit companies...a new "Industry Standard" debit machine that encourages and reinforces irresponsible tippers and big spenders...
Creston
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Found
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Yesterday, before the heat up and over the Salmo Pass to Creston. The road to Salmo, my car, pulling over every other kilometer to let people pass. Past Salmo, the set up for Shambala, then up-up and over the pass. My car can do this, third gear, a passing lane the whole way so I don't have to pull over, this is fine, this is good. From the summit down, now, in neutral, I'm racing in my gravity-powered car, only touching the brakes for construction, thinking to stop at a few spots and explore but - this, before the heat of the day, and I'm so pleased to be feeling the breeze through the window that I'm not stopping for nothing.
A tour of the thrift shops, the junktique shop, and Kingfisher Books, one of the finest bookstores in the Kootenays.
It's good. Really good.
Anyways, treasures found include:
Books (Free, the Trinity Church Thrift Shop):
- Ada - Nabokov
- 100 Love Sonnets - Pablo Neruda
- Stations of the Left Hand - Don Donanski
- Elementary Geology applied to Prospecting (Chamber of Mines, Victoria, 5th Edition) - John F Walker
From Kingfisher Books:
- Boswell's London Journal
- An Experiment with Time - John F Dunne
- Lost Continents - L Sprague De Camp
- The Evil Genius - Wilkie Collins
So a very worthwhile trip. Books left behind - for another occasion (my car is now full of books) - include 2 volumes of Stanley's "IN Darkest Africa" and a reprint of Clarke's 2 volume account of the Lewis and Clark Expedition. I could have afforded, probably should have afforded, but there are yet bills to be paid. They have an impressive collection of books, roughly organized like my mind, which is as much as to say not at all...
I've read Ada, 100 Love Sonnets, but I proselytize great books and these will be passed on, "An Experiment with Time" is due for a re-read, the rest are all new to me...
Other treasures, a new Lamy fountain pen, lime green, a dollar from Gleaners, a new bottle of Lamy Ink, $2, (they got that backwards!!), a porcelain stamp wheel (for moistening old postage stamps, nostalgia), 2 packages of guitar strings, an old (working) Rodania Watch (Junktique shop), ...
From here onward up lake, stop and prospect a worn out spot, nothing new, then, slow broiling in the heat up lake, to the Ferry, parked by the attendant so I can't exit my vehicle but, really, why, I'm drenched, soaked through to the skin, no sooner mop the sweat from my brow and it's there again, hot - as - fucking - hell, ...
***
This morning, coffee, the gym, I've been remiss, work gets in the way, and only the fact that I so desperately needed to shower and change my clothes enticed me there. I don't want to lose all the fine progress I've made, rather maintain until scheduling permits a more regular workout.
Now, the library, and then up lake to work-camp Balfour...
The Book of John Mandeville
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
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Surprised I hadn't come across this before (in the book; certainly I've seen references to it).
Marvelous. The premise - a thirteenth century traveler describes the world as it appears to him, doubtful that such a person ever existed, the descriptions he provides are invariably drawn from other sources, however this did not lessen it's success. In any event to pull it off he needed to be - for the thirteenth century - formidably well read.
There is of course an abundance of misinformation and travelers tales - some of which can be read symbolically, the rest of which merely ornament those portions of the map that the world knew nothing of....
My translation was the Ian Higgins version, a "translation" from the original with notes as to his sources. More readable than the version I'm quoting here.
But worthy of mention:
And albeit that men find good diamonds in Ind, yet nevertheless men find them more commonly upon the rocks in the sea and upon hills where the mine of gold is. And they grow many together, one little, another great. And there be some of the greatness of a bean and some as great as an hazel nut. And they be square and pointed of their own kind, both above and beneath, without working of man’s hand. And they grow together, male and female. And they be nourished with the dew of heaven. And they engender commonly and bring forth small children, that multiply and grow all the year. I have often-times assayed, that if a man keep them with a little of the rock and wet them with May-dew oft-sithes, they shall grow every year, and the small will wax great. For right as the fine pearl congealeth and waxeth great of the dew of heaven, right so doth the very diamond; and right as the pearl of his own kind taketh roundness, right so the diamond, by virtue of God, taketh squareness. And men shall bear the diamond on his left side, for it is of greater virtue then, than on the right side; for the strength of their growing is toward the north, that is the left side of the world, and the left part of man is when he turneth his face toward the east.
Descriptions of distant countries ending with:
In that country grow many strong vines. And the women drink wine, and men not. And the women shave their beards, and the men not.
Or:
In one of these isles be folk of great stature, as giants. And they be hideous for to look upon. And they have but one eye, and that is in the middle of the front. And they eat nothing but raw flesh and raw fish.
And in another isle toward the south dwell folk of foul stature and of cursed kind that have no heads. And their eyes be in their shoulders.
And in another isle be folk that have the face all flat, all plain, without nose and without mouth. But they have two small holes, all round, instead of their eyes, and their mouth is plat also without lips.
And in another isle be folk of foul fashion and shape that have the lip above the mouth so great, that when they sleep in the sun they cover all the face with that lip.
And in another isle there be little folk, as dwarfs. And they be two so much as the pigmies. And they have no mouth; but instead of their mouth they have a little round hole, and when they shall eat or drink, they take through a pipe or a pen or such a thing, and suck it in, for they have no tongue; and therefore they speak not, but they make a manner of hissing as an adder doth, and they make signs one to another as monks do, by the which every of them understandeth other.
And in another isle be folk that have great ears and long, that hang down to their knees.
Hilarious descriptions of ants that mine gold and the spanning of Christianity; apocrypha gathered or invented from every known quarter of the globe, fabulous descriptions of incredible riches that inspire one to travel the world and gather to one's bosom those treasures discarded by those peoples that don't value them.
There also be many beasts, that be clept orafles. In Arabia, they be clept gerfaunts. That is a beast, pomely or spotted, that is but a little more high than is a steed, but he hath the neck a twenty cubits long; and his croup and his tail is as of an hart; and he may look over a great high house. And there be also in that country many camles; that is a little beast as a goat, that is wild, and he liveth by the air and eateth nought, ne drinketh nought, at no time. And he changeth his colour often-time, for men see him often sithes, now in one colour and now in another colour; and he may change him into all manner colours that him list, save only into red and white. There be also in that country passing great serpents, some of six score foot long, and they be of diverse colours, as rayed, red, green, and yellow, blue and black, and all speckled. And there be others that have crests upon their heads, and they go upon their feet, upright, and they be well a four fathom great, or more, and they dwell always in rocks or in mountains, and they have alway the throat open, of whence they drop venom always. And there be also wild swine of many colours, as great as be oxen in our country, and they be all spotted, as be young fawns. And there be also urchins, as great as wild swine here; we clepe them Porcz de Spine. And there be lions all white, great and mighty. And there be also of other beasts, as great and more greater than is a destrier, and men clepe them Loerancs; and some men clepe them odenthos; and they have a black head and three long horns trenchant in the front, sharp as a sword, and the body is slender; and he is a full felonious beast, and he chaseth and slayeth the elephant. There be also many other beasts, full wicked and cruel, that be not mickle more than a bear, and they have the head like a boar, and they have six feet, and on every foot two large claws, trenchant; and the body is like a bear, and the tail as a lion. And there be also mice p. 192as great as hounds, and yellow mice as great as ravens. And there be geese, all red, three sithes more great than ours here, and they have the head, the neck and the breast all black.
And many other diverse beasts be in those countries, and elsewhere there-about, and many diverse birds also, of the which it were too long for to tell you. And therefore, I pass over at this time.
And, occasionally accurate descriptions of things like the Tibetan Sky Burials, and so it goes.
A marvelous tour of the medieval world, if not traveled than well assembled and reimagined by the purported John Mandeville. Of course I enjoyed this book, how could it be otherwise?
Now on to De Sade's "The Misfortunes of Virtue" And other early tales, prefaced and in a "new translation" by David Coward.
I must say, while not entirely a fan of his topics I certainly admire his style...
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