Home
For Sale - Haunted Antique Table
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: For Sale
- Hits: 2235
This downsizing is addictive. By the time I'm done I'll be ready to live in a shoebox in no time...well, at the rate it takes me to write copy, maybe a year...but still.
But copy sells the table (or so they say)...
Haunted Table for Sale:
For pretty much the same price you could have a pressboard table made in China with a fancy Swedish sounding name (like “frendli” or “Bjork-borg”), or a small 27’ HD TV, you could buy a fine antique table (seats 4-6).
Freak
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Dreams
- Hits: 1295
A troubled nap interrupted by the daily call from Telus.
I'm at her place, but it's not, there's an open door and movers are carrying large mattresses, she's staying in a hotel. She's changed, pierced her nose and lips and has large bangles interlocking, she's behaving strangely, seductive but odd; when she takes off her shirt there's a large purple birthmark between her breasts, over top of it grows a mat of hair...the doors open, movers coming and going in the hall ...
It's not her, not who I remember anyways, and I ask her about the piercings, the purple birthmark, it strikes me that she must be sick, have a terminal illness, cancer, but she ignores me, and I wonder why she's staying at this hotel - outside it's raining, grey, drizzling.
She wants to go downstairs to the buffet, they have a great creme pudding she tells me in a way that tells me she's been here before and I wonder with who, there are things she's not telling, we go to the buffet and there's a host of people talking, in one room there's a pile of desserts around a chocolate fountain, the other there are these tiny puddings, off-brown, star shapes and soggy crackers, people are lining up for them and they look repulsive, the light everywhere is dim and grey...
Cock-Blocker
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Conversations
- Hits: 1258
"You're a cock blocker" he says to me.
I'm simply trying to help the new dishwasher, started tonight, avoid the same pitfall the beautician fell into.
And so when I catch them talking, if I have time, I make sure to relay important messages like:
"You're son called, it was his fourth birthday, he wanted to know why you never want to see him...."
or
"Oh, there's a letter about the child support you haven't paid, they're going to be garnishing your wages..."
or
"The STD clinic called again...."
or
"You're girlfriend called to say the twins need more diapers if you could pick some up after work.."
or
"Did you read about the recall on the penis enlargement pills you've been taking? You should, there are some serious side effects..."
He takes it in good humor, overall, but still he's annoyed.
"You're a cock-blocker" he says to me.
Crazy night
- Details
- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Miscellany
- Hits: 1585
A crazy night at the restaurant. 2 waiters, full dining rooms, at lunch we looked busy but as the day passed the book filled up, parties increased their size, and by 6:30 we're crazy.
There's an Oil and Gas conference in town.
Crazy busy. Always running, 2, 3 steps behind, people at the door, the owner howling in the kitchen, people waiting to be cleared, for food, for drinks, to see a waiter (any waiter), it's a gong show.
At the end of it we've rung out what we'd do on a night with 6 people - a busy night with 6 people.
But we're alive, and that's all that counts.
It's the stuff waiter's nightmares are made of.
Page 902 of 1025