The nephew, protesting, always, he never goes out. Not enough. This life at the restaurant, 12 hours a day (in his instance, perhaps more like 8 or 9), it's killing him. He's exhausted. Maybe we can go out...?
We go out a fair bit. Maybe every weekend. Wherever he wants, for Pizza, to the Gay Bar, Bespoke, wherever, but he's a short lived memory and it's already Wednesday and as far as he's concerned we never go out. He's on POF, TINDER, spends his time sat at the front desk swiping through possible dates, ones that he finds amusing he calls me over for, gets my opinion, "Big Farm Girl" and "Hefty Little Heifer", reads their profile, knows them, probably from hanging about Cochrane, swipes on...
He had a short lived romance of sorts, "Cross-Dresser", didn't know what that meant, they'd chatted, few days, when finally he asked for "her" number she explained..."You do know I'm a cross-dresser, don't you?", and he did, it was on her profile, only he didn't know what it meant and so she explained...
Humour and a bit of personal tragedy, he really liked her, felt they had a connection, they were getting along, and you couldn't really tell from the Photoshopped and blurred image of her, could you?...And he shows us - the restaurant, the customers, the staff, the texts, her photos, who would have known? She would have been a catch, for sure, if it weren't for those pesky balls...
Friday night, there's a Vodka tasting at J****'s, his old room-mate. I'm invited. "Sure" I say and go home to change. Sober me says stay home, and after a while drunk me confirms my decision. J****'s is a dark place, there are a lot of vices I don't care to indulge or afford. But I'm getting the calls, one, two an hour, until 4:00 AM, something's up for sure and I can't wait to hear the tale...
THE VODKA TASTING
...which involved a couple of other clearly gay Russians and J**** and the Nephew and J****'s current girlfriend, who just happens to be the Nephew's ex-girlfriend, and another ex-girlfriend of the nephew, H****, and as the night devolved they all ended up in the sauna upstairs...the girls, a lesbian performance while J**** and his friend pulled themselves outside of the glass, blurry images, too much blow to participate, really, the other young homosexual contented himself with flogging the Nephew while he tried to stick a dick in, a pretty messed up evening but not entirely unpredictable, "You should have come, bro..." he tells me, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have, am glad for the good night's sleep...
***
He finds a date, shows us her picture, single mom, 20 years old, 3 kids, lives in Forest Lawn, she's pretty, they're due to meet up that evening after work...and as the time approaches he begins to get cold feet, sure, she's pretty, but he should have verified that her photos were current, wants to make sure he's not disappointed, he's got a vague suspicion...we prey upon his fears, laughing at him, "Three kids bro?" I'm mocking him..."That's not a date, that's an orgy...", not a big deal, it's a first date after all, but they're going for dinner, he's got to leave to pick her up...
I'm getting calls again that evening, come on down, join him, all the way until 4:00 AM, I find them on the phone in the morning, I'll get the story when he gets in to work...
"I was trying to reverse, get away, when I saw her, I mean, she was huge, buddy, only my tires were spinning in the snow and the next thing I knew she was at the window, just let herself into the truck..."
From here the night goes predictably, he takes her for dinner, then drinks, too polite to let her down he just gets himself so hammered, spends the night at her place, wasn't sure if they did it or not, she wouldn't let him sleep on her couch but instead hauled him into the bedroom...the next morning he's woken by the children barging in, her mother, cigarette hanging from her mouth, babysitting, popping her head in the bedroom as he sits naked on the bed, just checking that she got home safe...
***
This doesn't dissuade him, the rest of the week he finds time for 2 more dates, both pretty much the same, young single mothers living in Forest Lawn or the North East, one with three children, but her parents have a court order to keep her away from 2 of them, the third, a three year old toddler, watching through the bars of the crib as she pulls him onto the bed...
***
He's a champ, really, and singlehandedly extends the reputation of men as sluts, not that his dates are doing any favours for their gender either, but he always gets drunk, always takes them home, spends the night, a real trooper, taking one for the team...
***
Saturday Night, Gay bar, his pick, he's having a joint outside, it makes him funny, we go back inside when he's done, into the basement, there's a fully bearded man, maybe 65 years old, in a blue dress with a younger 30 something brunette. I don't notice the brunette, her companion, he's garnering all the looks, the Nephew, he sees, falls to the floor, can't get up, he's laughing so hard, I'm trying to help him pull himself together, he's pretty gone for sure, it is funny but maybe not polite to laugh so hard...eventually he gets it together, hauls himself to the bar, begins to talk to them, gets their story...
...they want to buy some crystal meth, apparently they're former addicts, went to rehab together. I know. And we separate, I leave him with his newfound friends, the night is getting late and I should be getting some sleep, the phone, it's still ringing at 4:00 AM, but I know I'll get the story in the morning...