The daughter visited, stayed a week, quiet visit, the Kootenays, winter, they're quiet. It's not summer, not by a long shot. Hot springs, Yellow Deli, other small diversions, but really just good to see her.
And when she leaves I notice it, I'm getting far too cold for the temperature outside, cold, shivering, shaking, begin a painful cough...
See her off on the bus, that night it begins. High fever, cold fits, shakes, fever, sweats, fever dreams...
Garbage dreams. Of green mesh plastic trays filled with crockery, tin tea-pots, enough, and I try to clear them away, wake, start again...the same...
I'm serving, ridiculously ornate tea services, busy-ish, but I realize I'm not working, I'm sleeping, awake, I shouldn't be dreaming this, fall back asleep, the same again...
A cold light coming out of the kitchen in a small town Chinese restaurant...
And, from somewhere when I was a child and this sick, the same, feelings of inadequacy, despair, I know it's the fever but can't get over it, the sheets are drenched, soaked, I wake, fall back asleep, the same garbage dreams over and over again...
I'm still going to work. I'm dead man walking, dead on my feet, but we're slow enough it can pass. Batshit comes by, he's been gone for weeks, he's got Xmas presents, dozens of them, sitting there, he gets me to buy him a drink (his tastes have grown this holiday season), some food, he throws the empty Styrofoam container towards the garbage - from his chair 40 feet away - he misses, he beckons me to come over, pick it up, I'm looking at him, WTF? I'm fucking dead, sick as a dog, no patience for this today...he's laughing...
home by 3:15, in bed, asleep, 18 hours of sweating, fever, chills, shakes, work again...
A full five days until it breaks. It hasn't broken yet, still, slight chills and fever, but it's a lot better. The dreams, every night the same. 2 Bowls of soup in 5 days, I try solid food for the first time yesterday, it's wrong, chips, wrong, the texture, flavour, salsa - all salt, metallic, licorice, bitter, nothing tastes like it should, this, apparently, isn't unusual.
It's been a long time since I've been this sick. And coming out of this well I can only hope it's a long time until I'm this sick again. Death, I'm sure, would be easier.