Today, mundane, Christopher reading the reviews. One complains the food was shit and the waiter was creepy. Chris describes the order and I know who he's talking about, my table, a bland narcissistic couple from the city, vacuous blonde, impotent overly groomed man - which city? Don't know. I can't be bothered to search their Instagram or "Only Fans' page. Guess Alberta. But BC has it's share as well.
Online anonymity gives every entitled asshole a place to vent their worthless opinions.
A man, 2 kids, makes a reservation, sits outside at a patio table, beautiful view, but he'd prefer to sit next to a wall so he and his kids can charge their cellphones. A shit table, less of a view, but - it has a plug. Camping with your kids in the 21st Century.
He complains to me that we "need a no-hillbillies policy". The table next to him is loud, drunk-ass BC kids on vacation. I agree, but it's our bread and butter, and I'm in the awkward position of choosing between my values and the owners needs. I explain to him - "They're our bread and butter.".
Tonight - after yesterday, relatively slow. A few late tables, a drunk fat toad of a blonde waiting for guests, can't look up from her phone to order her double Caesar. Her friends, clueless as to how to work a mask, clutching napkins over their faces, show up late. 10 minutes to close. They don't like their table, want to sit on the beach.
I tell them no, the beach is closed. We're closing in 10 minutes.
She doesn't like this, immediately goes in search of another opinion, finds the owners' son, gets the same answer. I watch it all. I haven't primed him. Here - here, if you were managing and competent, here is where you chuck them out. Assholes. Bitches. Drunk-ass whores. Know trouble when you see it and get rid of them. Not kindly. Fuck off. Fuck right off.
One last chance. Toady blonde, prompted for order before the kitchen closes. "But your website says you close at 10:00". It has never said that ever.
But they complain to him about me, I'm - wait for it - "Anthony Bourdain" - and that's enough, they repeat it again and again as if it's he's the Satan of the restaurant world. I can't take it, "just take the table" I tell him, I can't put up with this shit, haven't the patience for it.
It's time for the old "Hills have eyes", work with your gut, start cleaning up the planet of all the excess shit of humanity that it's created. Really. Humanity, we've been breeding assholes for too long, rewarding them, promoting them, to President even, (or Premier of Alberta) - time, time to just burn them all down. They're fooling no one. The liberal ideology - it allows everyone to be whatever they want to be, but the asshole ideology - "if you're not what we want or expect we're going to complain on our Instagram/Only Fans" is gaining too much ground. Time to end it. Not kindly.
I've had enough, and the lotto, fuck, it's gotta be won, I've appointed my Dukes and Earls and Counts all already, just let me fucking win goddamnit!!!!!