A 2 day trip, too quick, but it's the daughter's birthday and I need to clear a few bills. On the 6:30 ferry, wind, brisk, it feels good to be on the road...
...thoughts change as I drive, leaving the enchanted valley, maybe sobriety, maybe because I'm a part of a different environment, remembering old thoughts, they were good thoughts, this drive, it's become a sort of 7 hour meditation. Listening to the radio, Comey on Trump, the Senate, it's incredible, and my mind returns to a 1000 forgotten literary projects, my position in the valley, it needs to be shored up with a place to live before I can resume them...but paying these bills, this will help, the next step, my log cabin in the woods.
Finally, Calgary, 3:00 PM, an eight hour drive with breaks for gas and coffee, traffic delays, now, another 30 minutes inexplicably stuck in traffic in Deerfoot, welcome back to the big city, first things first I go and pay down the locker...
And from here to the NE, a favorite thrift shop, nothing I need, although I'm restless and hurried, there's so much to do and no time, I'm pinned by one of the employees, we catch up, in the periphery of my eye someone's hanging out, and just as I bid her farewell he steps forward into my frame of vision...
Z**. Old waiter from the restaurant; now it's his turn to catch me up, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, now I have to go but he's not letting go, wants to take me for lunch, Taco Bell, I've 45 minutes just pinched from an already tight schedule...
...from here to 4Spot, meet another friend, a couple of quick drinks, then to pick up the daughter, the son, she's driving us to Red Deer to meet my father for her birthday dinner.
Over dinner we talk. The daughter, she's plans when her best friend gets her drivers license - next week - to go to Drumheller. To look for dinosaur bones.
One of her favorite things, apparently. I'll take credit for this. And I'm sad that - this summer at least - I won't be with her. In the fall, September, when business lets up and the schedule cuts back - to 4 shifts a week - I'll be back - we'll go - an extra day or two off we can stretch - I want to go, I miss this as well. But it's good to see the seed is sown, and she's an explorer, discoverer as well...
More conversation, about the boy, his misadventures with "Temps", the daughter's school, we're blown indoors off the patio by the weather, there's a gale, rain, continuing inside, "You know..." says the boy as we approach the end of the meal..."We are at Earl's..." and I know what he means, great minds think alike, it's already been set in motion, "Happy Birthday" is sung to her by the staff over dessert while she glowers in her chair and threatens to remember this humiliation...
***
The drive back to Calgary, severe thundershowers, we're cut off by a car switching into the left lane without shoulder checking, touch the brakes, begin hydroplaning, towards the ditch, 8 seconds of out of control driving, 8 seconds of terror, rain in sheets, tapping the brakes, going into the ditch, into the other car, the boy's white knuckled, we recover, still at 100KM an hour, glad we didn't let the daughter drive for this, it's a nightmare, we're cut off 2 more times, Alberta drivers, it's the freeway of blind chaos, finally, when we reach Calgary, torrential rain and no less than 3 cars driving without lights down Deerfoot, madness, this.
I sleep at the boys, his mother is selling the place, out of town, I set up my sleeping bag on the floor, there's no furniture, just a heap of books, it's empty, as if they just moved, and I'm sad to report that even without any furniture it's clear and apparent that the boy's got my housekeeping skills, a shame, he could have gotten his mothers, she was organized...
***
The next day the double - triple - whammy of Mcdonald's for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, Earls for dinner, is preying upon my bowels, foul odors warn of gastric mayhem, coffee, leave, find a mall to purge myself of the excess of junk-food...
Now to the Nephews, old Bosses, a short visit, bottle of wine, the owner, even in retirement he's putting on a spread, bread, salad, vegetables, and a venison platter that you couldn't find at the best restaurant in Calgary...
An easy pound of meat takes the edge off the bottle of wine, mule deer sausage, white-tailed deer and moose steaks. The wine, it's how he rates his guests, a cheap bottle for me, former serf, but the cooking, the food, it's his pride, impeccable, delicious.
And we talk, catch up, news of the old customers, Troy - partier extraordinaire, who'd bring in hash cookies for the waiters, stay until midnight, get soooo hammered, never spent less than $500, he's in trouble, apparently hasn't worked for a year, in good months he made $40, 000 a month, but somehow managed to spend over $50, 000, I'd been to his place, his own arcade, virtual reality system, every modern toy and convenience, yet they rented, it makes sense now, it's hard to summon sympathy for someone who did so well and yet squandered it on drugs and trifles, now a million dollars in debt spread over 8 credit cards, it's the classic Calgary boom-bust story...
...and of the others, the ones we liked, the ones we hated, the owner, he's glad to be done with all the leeches and freeloaders, but he's sad as well at what's become of the restaurant, he hasn't had good reports, food, lousy, decor, bad, but I'll come to that...
Goodbyes, maybe the Nephew will come to Nelson to visit, there's a Solstice Party I've advised him of, he can catch a ride with my son...
Now, pick up the daughter, meet the boy at the Italian supermarket, some Schwepps bitter Lemon and Asiago and Prosciutto stuffed peppers, a favorite childhood treat, drive by the old restaurant - it is sad. I hated it - every fucking minute of it - but for 7 years it was my sentence. The grass is overgrown with weeds, in places bare where it's died from lack of water, the bushes and hedges have been torn down, it's appalling, but the new Chinese place, it's busy, Chinatown is growing up Centre street and this is it's latest outpost...
We rendezvous again at Amato Gelato in Kensington, eat our ice cream, joke, I should make a trip to the locker, rescue a few tools, but it's been a long couple of days, 3:00 already and time for me to head home, the boy will visit in a couple of weeks, the daughter - soon, no dates, but summer here, in the Koots,- well, it can't be beat. Goodbyes again, and I head out on the highway to return - back to the enchanted valley, this time via Invermere and Radium, vary the route, I've driven the Crowsnest a hundred times or more and it's gotten a little too routine...
***
And the drive, through Banff, down towards Radium, abundant wildlife and bears, past the countless antique, thrift and vintage shops that I have yet to explore, all closed, garage sale signs tipped over until the next day, the promised land of antiquing and treasure hunting, twee amusements, mini-golf and go-carts, enchanted and magical forests that promise family fun and a lifetime of memories, hot-springs, past Fort Steele, to Cranbrook and towards Creston, by now the light is starting to fade, shadows lengthen, the long twilight...check my watch, the Ferry Schedule, I'll be taking the pass - I've just missed the ferry, 50 minutes to drive 80 KM, it could maybe be done, but at this time of day the does and fauns wait dappling by the side of the road, camouflaged in the shadows, you don't see them until the last minute when they raise their head to look at you, not the time of day to be speeding or rushing, you'll kill something for sure and maybe be killed yourself...
***
The scenery is beautiful. The light, perfect, twilight crepuscular rays spangle the fields with gold and and shadows of clouds, perfectly blue sky, the rumbledown homesteads and farms on fire in the sunset glow...
I'm filled with an exquisite melancholy, I've had this before - the time of day, the light, the mood, the sum of deep thoughts swimming in my head. This is perfect.
Driving - always, the twilight hours, in the countryside of Alberta, the US, and now here - always the same feeling, but earlier now, not even summer - usually it's the change of light - late July, early August - the end of summer that inspires this, but it's early. Perhaps it's because I've crossed the equator, there are less years left than there are behind me, but I've had this when I was younger, 20, 21. Or the waning of seasons, the inevitability of Fall and Winter that precipitates it, or the end of the world, and I am thinking, understanding, knowing, that I must untangle myself from the interwebs, or maybe simply that it's the gap between reality and imagination - reality, the stark, unforgiving sun at high-noon, and imagination, the moon rising upon a cloaked landscape.
It's the ineffable melancholy of marvelous journeys and premature destinations, climbing the pass, the mountain peaks on fire like torches, flickering beacons and epiphanies above darkening valleys, following them out of the valley of shadows towards the sun...
I've had this before, it's not uncommon, I know, but it's rare. I know rare, I look for gold and diamonds, don't tell me about rare, there is nothing rarer or more precious than this. Words fail, you know.
I'm filled with droll poetic sensibilities, thinking outside of myself, this is good...
I'm missing you. Probably we haven't even met - we'd know, we'd know - but it seems greedy to have these moments all to myself - I want to reach over, touch your hand, no clumsy words or conversation needed to eviscerate this grace of creation, only rejoice in this moment, to share and understand.