I had some work that needed doing, some furniture that needed moving, and so I scheduled today.
I've a busy schedule.
By which I mean I've been busy getting nothing done, the first few days, forgivable, but I'd fallen fast and quickly into a rut, and all the wheels in my cart were stuck, stuck, stuck.
I mean stuck. I mean waking every day, nothing to do, all the day to do it, and I'm getting nothing done.
I've got a fuck of a lot to do. I mean, I don't want to be back here anytime soon, when this lease expires, so should I, and if I hang on a few months past it I can accept it, but really, I gotta be gone.
And - for a guy with no car, I got a shit-tonne of junk in the trunk. I mean, a shit-tonne.
So - today, deal with it, clear it up a bit, I mean, I've just come from the Koot's, be your own Shaman and all that. And I've filled my medicine chest. Oh, yeah...
10:00 I drop, do some dishes, putter about, 11:00 it's kicking in.
Not in a bad way, there's none of the demons of previous trips, no bugs, no - whatever. Probably I could have taken more.
Visuals, always, the same as everyone, an infinite array of kaleidoscopic fractals spinning into the void, Indian Gods, what have you, if I could draw in my lifetime I could only show you not even a tenth of what I've seen.
So, put it aside, boring, done that.
Think, move furniture, try and get shit outta the way. Unobstruct. Figure out what's blocking you and move it, not consciously, there's too much in the way, but behind the scenes. Consciously, breathe - deep, shallow, deep, enjoy the show. Work is getting done. You can't see it but you're trusting, behind the scenes, you can feel it, things are getting done.
This might not be it. You might need more, not today, but in a month...
Still - better than nothing - better than dreading another day of nothing done, of no fire forged, today, regardless of the outcomes, can be no worse than any other day, what is up? What is up?
I've laid out a deck of Tarot Cards, Rider-Waite, to draw from while I anxiously pace the floor.
First card:
The world, inverted.
Continue with the day, breathe, go for a walk, come back home, pace, think. Go to the bathroom, the toilet fills with blood, flush it away. Wash your hands, the sink fills with blood, wash it away.
Outside, having a smoke, listen to the groaning from the office towers, you can hear it, the sighing lamentations of the damned, watch the buildings swell and contract, laboured, the crushing of souls... The mailman, the mailman...Today would not be a good day for a letter. There's no mail. Go back inside. Pace. Fret.
Lie on the bed, enjoy the visuals, a kaleidoscope of imagery folding in upon itself, folding in, unfolding, cunts, asses, tits, lips, black, yellow, white, pornography in every variety, styles borrowed from every culture that thought to illustrate their copulation animating and fornicating in my head...
Get up, pace some more. How am I going to get things done? There's a fuck of a lot to do.
Draw another card.
The two of wands. Fair enough.
Contemplate, another walk, pace, pace off this restless energy, walk with your hood up, it's a nice day, walk so that no-one can see your eyes, while I think I'm holding it together I'm not so sure. In the Koot's you could run into someone and excuse yourself with "I dropped" and go for lunch and be fine, everyone would get it, but here, in the desert you just keep your hood up and your eyes on the sidewalk.
Pace, walk, into shops, out of them, snack...
Perhaps 3:00 now, and it's starting to wear off. Still that supra-abundance of nervous energy to be discharged, let go of, but the visuals are fading and most of the furniture is moved. Curious, not quite in the league of "Sunshine" but the "Alice in Wonderland" motif on the blotter, you can imagine connoisseurs at raves talking about the different batches they'd tried - "Alice in Wonderland" a perfectly sound motif, but so would be the pantheon of Indian Gods or any one of a number of Williams Burroughs works...
Draw another card.
Two of Pentacles, inverted.
***
By 6:00 I'm largely recovered, recombobulated, a pleasant vacation without leaving the city. Of course - any merits to it will be seen over the next few days/weeks, we'll see how clear the mind is, if the new order works, but I cast one final reading:
Which seems accurate enough, the joy of the Tarot is that no matter what you draw your mind will make sense of it. Pass the rest of the day, over to today and we'll see what gets done...