(Trying to sell this goddamn thing on Kijiji and Facebook only they limit my description)
(**Update: Nah,Facebook keeps taking it down after 100 or so likes/shares. Bastards!!)
For Sale: One '94 Jeep Grand Cherokee.
JEEP: 1 Brake compromised by leaking bejeezuz fluid, How many brakes do you need? I just hang my foot/leg/Peg out the drivers side door and let it drift down the mountain. Never had a problem. gapped out, grew numb and heard the "mwah mwah mwah" of the mechanic, Jalopy, Odometer: Works, Trip Meter: Works (You'll be needing that, more on it later), Fuel Guage: Full until about 60 KM after filling at which it shows empty. See Trip Meter. Ashtray: Glorious! NEVER FAILED ME YET! Cigarette Lighter: Replaced fuse, now works, use lighter. Radio: Works, Headlights: On/Off, Wipers: Work, Windshield: Present, Electric Windows: Work but use the ashtray, Doors: Open. Um, don't open that....Majestic, Motor Horse, Gallant Iron Steed, Steel Chariot of Fury, Chariot of the Gods, Thrilling: It got me here, now will it get me back? Millstone of infinite debt, Wallet of vanishing savings, Kootenay Gold Mine,
$5000 dollars. They called me every day to advise me how much the estimate has increased, and I "Sure, go-ahead" them every time. They asked for an advance. Why not? I'm a good faith customer. I love this jeep. I only wanted trouble free motoring.
...DOn't lowball me, I know what I have here, don't go trying to dicker me down...back whumping: Comes with 4 litres of oil, (why fix the seals, just top it up every other fill), half a litre of Windshield wiper fluid, transmission fluid (which never leaked or looked dirty, so - what the fuck?), 2 Litres Antifreeze, 3/4 tank of gas (Trip reads 75 KM), The false hope of a broken U-Joint, My investment in trouble-free motoring...4 winter tires, Thule Roof Rack, Lightbar,
Become a Kootenay Landlord and rent it out! park it on your property/the street, find a family of 4 new to the area, (Check Facebook: "Hi I'm rachel and this is Marky and our dog frenzy and our babies twaila and twinna and we've just moved to the area from hoboken and are looking for a " this baby could bring in $1200/Month easy! Or - hey - you greedy? Air BNB it!!!!
AND IT RUNS! Unprecedented for a car under $10,000 in BC! Yep, you can drive this baby home before you give it it's forever parking spot...
Worth it's weight in Gold to the aspiring young prospecter, by which I mean have it's weight in gold ready when you buy it, you'll need it for the mechanic.
Maybe there's a Canadian Tire magical additive that will restore your transmission and repair the oil leaks? And while you're at it improve your fuel mileage? Probably there are several, and for $100 worth of quack remedies this baby can be starring front-row-centre in "FURY ROAD 2 - REVENGE OF THE DOOF WARRIOR ..." about a malcontented guitarist with a flamethrowing guitar seeking revenge on an array of Bumblefuck Kootenay Mechanics...I'm willing to throw in the first draft for an extra $1000 and bring back the Baker Street Air Drummer to reprise his role in the back seat. Don't worry, he'll have his earbuds in.
Pictures of the Jeep are also available for purchase as Non-Fungible Tokens at a starting bid of $30,000 each. Some dents as per expected given it's extensive off-road explorations
They fixed the thingamajig, the whatchamacallit, the doo-hicky, the headlight (see photo), OMG, they did it all, and I looked forward to many years of trouble free motoring. (I have reciepts)
Fuel Filter, Cam Shaft Sensor, Motor Chariot, Iron Steed,
Twice voted the "Best looking prospector between Balfour and Ainsworth".
A friend "gifted" it to me, the way you might gift a white elephant or herpes or whatever to a close friend...Never look a gift horse in the mouth, but always, always look under the bonnet of a gifted jeep. No shit. And crawl underneath the fucker and open every door - and try and close it -
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Investment Opportunity: Become a Kootenay Landlord! For a mere.... you could own this '94 Jeep Grand Cherokee. While you'll be able to drive it home the failing transmission doesn't recommend taking it on any long-haul journeys.
That said:
- Spacious Outdoor Bathroom & Kitchen
- Excellent for foraging
- 1 time only close to whatever Amenity your heart so desires.
- Winter Tires (read: Doesn't need any tires put it up on blocks wow this is a gold mine already!!!!)
- Roof Rack (read: Abundant storage)
- 5 Seats, the 3 back of which fold down to accommodate whatever shade of Kootenay Polyamory you're into.
Yep, that's right, this baby could be rented out tomorrow - earning you a cool $X000 per month. "TO WHOM? You ask? My God, they'll be lining up!!! Winter's almost here!!! You know that annoying facebook couple that post pictures of themselves with an ad that reads something like this:
"Hi My Name is KUKI and this is my boyfriend Adam although sometimes I call him "Madam" or "Madman" hahaha and this is our little chihuahua "FRENZY" hahaha that's not rabies he just ate a bat and you know we're looking for a place here in town to rent we'd like to move here I have my own business my "OnlyFans' page has almost 30 subscribers and Madam (hahaha) is going to be studying "The theory of Chiromancy" at Selkirk college next fall ideally we'd like to have a big yard and live close to cool like minded people like us we love it here so much and want to hear back from you soon."
Yep. Let them begin doing their time.
SO - that said, what say you pick up this little baby and let the rental income start pouring in...?