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I've been moaning about Pumpkin and how the cat's just don't seem to get along. He finds it kinda funny, politely gets the details, then reassures me with...
"They're just dumb animals, you know"
Now I've never really thought that about any animal, but if one was to persuade me it'd be Pumpkin...
He reflects for a moment.
"There was a case a few years ago, though, some 84 year old in the States, used to torment his cat with a water pistol until one night the cat went in his room while he was sleeping and ripped his throat out...."
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"Maybe 2 + 2 = 6" he begins ..." But I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Jackson wasn't alive and well living in Fiji. The pressure, it just got to him.....He's there, living with Clint Eastwood and Barbra Streisand....."
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"The Frequency of Love" he concludes "Is 528 Hertz".
I didn't have the foggiest idea.
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It's soccer and our turn to bring the snacks. Fruit and granola bars. This contents most of the children, but there's one, a smaller, chubby kid with a faux-hawk who's a bit confused...
"Do I have to have some fruit?..." he asks me.
"No" I answer.
He asks me again.
"Da Da Do I have to have some fruit?"
His parents are nowhere to be seen.
"Fruit is an important part of a healthy and well balanced diet" I tell him. "I won't make you have any fruit, but you should have some."
A few minutes later, his mouth stuffed with grapes, he starts to talk to me again...
"I'm gonnaa, I'm gonnnaa" he begins, popping grapes in and out of his mouth with his tongue as he speaks, an intense look in his eyes...
"I'm gonna, I'm gonna suck all the juice out of them like like they were bugs and and and I was a a spider"
I'm thinking to myself, like, WTF, and then it dawns on my that this is probably the best conversation I've had all day....
I let him continue.
"You know spiders, they catch insects and then they....."
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I'm on the bus, in front of me is a thirty-something Bob-Dylanish guy, in the seat in front of him is a teenager in those silky basketball shorts. The teenager gets up to leave, the waistband of his shorts is entirely around his knees. Not sort-of around his knees, or hanging low on the ass, no, his shorts are around his knees. His underwear, red boxers with a cartoon print, are entirely pulled up his ass. He reaches behind to tug them up, can't find them, has to quickly squat and haul them up, but only a bit, to his thighs.
When he's off the bus I lean forward to the Bob-Dylanish guy and say "If you wanna be cooler than that your going to have to take your trousers right off when you go to get off the bus...."
He turns and looks at me. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
So I repeat it, finding it hard to believe he didn't notice the little show in front of him.
"I wasn't staring at his ass, you know man....I'm not a Homo!!"
It's a bit of a non-sequitor, really. I have only 2 observations which he wouldn't understand.
1) Anyone who denies being a "homo", without having been accused or propositioned, is probably a homo.
2) Anyone who uses the phrase "Homo" is definitely a homo.